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God Squad Declares War on Starbucks
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An Evangelical group based in San Diego has decided to pick a fight with America's largest coffee retailer. Claiming that Starbucks' new logo, featuring a mermaid sporting a pair of not-so-suggestively-parted flippers, is morally inappropriate, "The Resistance," as the group call itself, has decided that Seattle-based company is promoting prostitution.
Calling for a nationwide boycott of the chain, the campaign has unwittingly granted Starbucks a great deal of desired attention, focusing eyes on the company's new logo at a time when Starbucks is attempting to re-brand itself. "The Christian group's initiative is so loony, it's totally backfiring, generating a huge wave of sympathy for the company," said one customer leaving a San Diego store.
"Besides, what are all of those good, God-fearing parents going to do with their kids after church than inject them with five million calories worth of frappuccinos? Pick a better target, guys."
Though company officials refuse to confirm it, since the beginning of the boycott, New York City-area stores have registered an unprecedented increase in Hasidic and Sikh customers. Don't be surprised if Starbucks rewards its supporters by introducing hamentashen and burfi to refresh its line of pastries this fall.
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