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Paranoid Bill Belichick stockpiling draft picks for 2012 apocalypse
NEW ENGLAND—Fully convinced that prophesies of the 2012 Mayan apocalypse are true, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has been frantically stock piling NFL draft picks in the doomsday bunker he has built in an undisclosed New England countryside. Under the guise that he is merely setting up the Patriots to have a surplus of picks in which to bolster their roster, Belichick has in fact spent the past few seasons hoarding the picks in preparation for what he believes to be the ever-impending end of days. "Most of the ignorant, huddled masses hold the misguided belief that there will always be a fresh crop of draft picks," said a paranoid Belichick. "But when Armageddon strikes Earth in 2012, as is written in the ancient Mayan scriptures, there will be a dearth of draft picks." Belichick let out a muffled yet maniacal chortle and continued, "GMs and coaches will gouging each others eyes out and reverting back to their savage and brutal nature just for a chance to pick a defensive back in the third round. And Old Billy will be safe in his bunker, blanketed in the safety of numerous draft picks." Belichick leaned forward and whispered to no one in particular, "Old Billy wins again. Old Billy always wins."