The Obituary of Jesus

The Obituary of Jesus

Bethlehem : South Africa | Apr 24, 2011 at 7:46 AM PDT
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A New Jesus

This is a fictional obituary newspaper article.

The Jerusalem Gazette reports that Jesus Christ, 33 of Nazareth, died Friday on Mount Calvary. It's also known as Golgotha, the place of the skull. He was betrayed by the apostle Judas for thirty pieces of silver. Jesus was crucified by the Romans, under the orders of Pontius Pilate. The causes of death were crucifixion, extreme torture, blood loss and then heart failure.

Jesus was a descendant of Abraham, and a member of the house of David. He was the son of the late Joseph, a carpenter of Nazareth, and Mary, His devoted mother. Jesus was born in a stable in the city of Bethlehem, Judea. He is survived by His mother, His faithful apostles, numerous disciples and many other followers.

He was a self-educated man who spent most of His adult life working as a teacher. Jesus occasionally worked as a medical doctor and it's been reported that He healed nearly all of His patients. Up until the time of His death, Jesus was teaching and sharing the good news, healing the sick, touching the lonely, feeding the hungry and helping the poor.

Jesus was most noted for telling parables about the kingdom of God and for performing miracles, feeding 5,000 once with only five loaves of bread and two fish. He also healed a blind man from birth by sending to a pool named Siloam (sent) to wash and see. His was also baptized by the late John the Baptist in the Jordan River. On the day before His death, He held a Last Supper celebration with His closest friends at which He foretold His own death.

The body was quickly buried in a stone grave, which was donated by Joseph of Arimathea, who is a loyal family friend. By order of Pontius Pilate, a boulder was rolled in front of the tomb. Roman soldiers were put on guard, as it was rumored that He prophesied His own Resurrection after three days. In lieu of flowers, money or spices, the family has requested that everyone try to live as Jesus did. Donations may be sent to anyone in need.

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