Dr. William Petit tried to be strong after the horrible death of his wife and two daughters. He was also the only one survivor from the deadly home invasion that killed the life of his wife and daughters. Dr. Petit did not end his own life because he believes that he will be reunited with them in heaven.
"I thought of the afterlife and if I was going to meet up with my family," said Petit in his first interview. Steven Hayes the family killer was sentenced to death last month. "I thought that [if I killed myself], maybe I would never meet up with them again, and I wasn't willing to take that chance."
When he was talking to Oprah from his parent’s home in Connecticut he also said that he lose his faith in God when his family was killed.
"I believe in God, but I was pretty angry with him for a long time," said Petit. "I've talked to a lot of smart people who have told me it's OK to be angry with God. God can take it.
Both Michaela and Hayley his daughters died after they were tied to their beds, doused with gasoline and the house was set on fire and Petit’s wife Jennifer Hawke-Petit was killed July 2007.
Hayes is awaiting execution on Connecticut's death row and his alleged accomplice Joshua Komisarjevsky's trial is expected to begin in February.
"I don't think you can forgive ultimate evil," he said. "You can forgive someone who stole your car. You can forgive someone who slaps you in the face. You can forgive someone who insulted you. You can forgive someone who caused an accident. I think forgiving the essence of evil is not appropriate."
Petit can’t consider forgiveness as an option. Though we can forgive but it’s really hard to forget especially in that kind of situations.
He also consider himself as a prison because would rather to stay in his lock room all days instead of facing the world. What happened to his family keep flashing back and gave him a traumatic stress disorder.
"I went to sleep one night in a nice home with a loving family and basically awoke in an emergency room, naked on a gurney with no family, no home," said Petit. "Everything was just gone."
"There are intrusive thoughts banging into your brain, replaying over and over and over again in your mind," said Petit.
Petit said he has considered the "what ifs" hundreds of times.
"What if someone had slid the latch over on the basement door, what if I had been able to get free earlier?" said Petit. "Magical thinking, to make it all better."
Dr. Petit goes to trial always but he is leaving during the medical examiner’s testimony detailing the physical harm done to the victims. He can’t take hear. And he usually cried a lot during the court proceeding.
I had almost no feeling at all. I think I had marginalized [Hayes]," Petit said of sitting day after day in the same room as his family's killer. "I hated what he did, hated what he stood for, and hated the life that he lived."
"It was like death by a thousand paper cuts," said Petit. "You sit there and they talk about the alleged victims and I always think I'll drive you to the cemetery and show you the alleged victims... You want to jump up and say they have names. They were people. Their names are Jennifer, Michaela and Hayley."