Air Chief Marshal Sir Jock Strap, the former chief of defence staff, says he fell out with the previous Labour government, because they wouldn't give him some new Jet Aircraft to play with, and so he had to buy his own from a local toy shop.
, had promised him 300 new Jet Aircraft, but when it came to the credit crunch, he spent public money on second homes, for the members of his cabinet instead.
As a result of the cuts in defence spending, Sir Jock Strap claims, that the Air Force were grounded, with no planes to play with, and so they spent their days playing dominos, in the Air Force bases.
New fighter pilots wondered why they had joined the air force, since they spent more time on the ground, than in the air, as a result of which, none of them got their flying hours in, and few grew angel wings, like their predecessors.
Taking his wings, off and placing them beside his chair, Sir Jock Strap, settled into a live television interview with defence correspondent Gordon Groundhog, during which, he spoke of Gordon Brown wasting his time, by asking him to send in a shopping list, of the planes he wanted, not to mention air craft carriers, but, after the many hours of sitting down compiling this shopping list, Gordon Brown repeatedly phoned, him to tell him to file the list in the waste paper bin, as he couldn't find enough pocket money, to give him, to go out and buy the new pilots, a plane each.
He went on to say, that the White House, had offered to lend him some planes, to stop his pilots getting bored, playing endless games of Dominos and Tiddlywinks, but Gordon Brown, embarrassed by this, refused to allow the White House to action this offer.
President Tea-Cosy, of France, offered to send Sir Jock Strap an aircraft carrier, but it broke down half way across the channel, and now it remains stuck there, but had it made it to Britain, it would have sat redundant, as there were no planes to land on it anyway.
President Tea-Cosy, said that as there are fuel rations in France, the aircraft carrier, must have run out of fuel, half way across the channel, and there are no petrol pumps at sea, and so it will have to stay there, until rationing is over.
On hearing of this, Sir Jock Strap, has said that he feels that President Tea-Cosy, seems to be a tad intellectually challenged, where military or defence issues are concerned, as aircraft carriers don't run on petrol, they run on coal like the Titanic did.
300 toy shops, selling RAF fighter planes, offered free ones to keep the pilots happy, but Gordon Brown ordered these to be sent to Downing Street, for his children to play with instead, leaving the pilots with nothing to play with all over again.
Sir Jock Strap, told Gordon Brown, that without new planes, they would look weak in the face of an attack, by any hostile countries, and his pilots would be unable to make enough paper planes, to throw at them, as Paper was on ration at the airbases, on account of, demanding that no more trees are chopped down to make paper, as they get upset when they are felled, for use in paper making.
Gordon Groundhog, asked Sir Jock Strap, how all of this, was affecting him, to which he replied:
"I feel as if I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, the devil being Gordon Brown".
Sir Jock Strap, has appealed to David Cameron, to give him some money to buy the pilots a new plane each, but as yet he awaits a response, as David Cameron, is apparently having the treasury, count the money in the government's piggy bank, to see if there is any spare cash left ,for any planes for them.
Meanwhile, Sir Jock Strap and his pilots, continue to play Dominos and Tiddlywinks, in their bases, many have said that they are dying to get their wings.
We shall of course keep you updated on this story, as it unfolds.
More news later, watch this space, hopefully minus Pilots playing Tiddlywinks and Dominos.