Well, it's that time of the week again...the 5 minute RHODC recap. Seriously, this just needs to be over, reworked and brought back with actual people. Not these quietly demented, closet freaks. Give me all out full on cray-cray any day of the week over these weirdos that appear normal, but are weirder and weirder the more you get know them.
So let's do this already...
Seriously, nothing even happens for the full 47 minutes this show is on. Let's begin with Cat. Cat is rude. Cat is the epitome of "dish it out and can't take it". Oh sure, snark and punk everyone, but then demand sympathy when you need it. Sure. And stop talking to your daughters like Danielle does. Not cool.
Then Lynda bought a house and revealed that she's a Southern Baptist- Wiccan- Catholic-Buddhist- Astrologist- Bagpiper- Sheep Shearing- Jew. Or whatever that display of cray was with the blessing of the house, talking to windows, and dumping holy water everywhere. She's a nut. A total nut. Like that she owns it, and flies that freak flag at full mast, but c'mon it's a little weird, not?
So Mary's daughter Jolly Rancher is still a klepto and sneaking into her Mom's closet to steal black dresses and flaunt her heist right infront of her mother. What?! I mean, sure take something and wear it to the club, not to the same party your mother is at. Liek how her husband is all, "Shut the door then you idiot." Love him. And Mary...Mary loves her wine is all I'm gonna say about that. I won't say a word about bongs, or ludes, or anything like that. She just really, really, likes her wine. Don't we all.
Stacie and the Salami's go house hunting in the White Limo of Fail from my 1996 Prom. Kah-lassy. Loved how they're all double talking about the house they can afford, and acting like they have money, and Stacie's all, but that vineyard has 2 brown twigs and tumbleweed going through it. So they need to get pre qualified. And here's a shocker. They never got Stacie the paperwork that proves they have money. Aw shucks, back to the Motel 6 you guys go...Hope you liked the one night at the Four Seasons Bravo comped for you by shooting the holy hell out if it.
Speaking of Stacie, she's a nut too. I get that she's trying to find out who she is and wants to know about her bio family because her birth mother is keeping her a secret and won't tell her anything. But Facebook stalking a half brother that doesn't even know you? Um, yeah...stalker. That's not going to ruin lives or anything.
Anyways, back to the Salami's. Guess Tork's mom had enough of his nonsense, and called the popo on him. Awesome. I would love for her to give an interview and tell her what's really up with her nimrod son and his koo-koo wife. Because they make her out to be Mommy Dearest. I actually have one of those, and I'm proud to say, not even she has called the popo on me to have me kicked out of the family house. Shot at me? Maybe...called the cops? No.
So there you go. Your 5 minutes in DC. Next week looks pretty epic as we get the Turner's stance on "tehz Geyz" and their marriages. And I simply can't wait for Michaele to show up at the Redskins Cheerleader reunion when they don't even know who the hell she is. She doesn't even know the FIGHT SONG!!!! Hell, I can walk on the football field at good ol' HEHS and still bust out a fight song. That's shiz that goes into your long term memory...I might actually care about that episode.
Until then, sportsfans!