reveals that his wife and kids has only been a pretense to hide his smouldering polyamorous lusts for and Steven Carell this entire time on his recent return to...oh. I'm sorry, never mind, I'm being informed that Jon Stewart has simply GROWN facial hair, not admitted to his scandalous homosexual lifestyle.
After a two-week hiatus, Jon Stewart is finally back on television, and he has brought his new best friend, some sort of fuzzy creature which has decided to take up residence on his face.
This reveal has sparked a firestorm of controversy, with two camps starting to form on twitter, on livejournal, and every other place of monumental importance. Either one hates his beard and is conspiring to break into his home at night to shave it off, or one finds the beard strangely enticing and starts to giggle when they look at his chin for too long.
All that is left is to see which camp will grow stronger, and who Jon Stewart is going to listen to-those who want him to keep the extra hair, or those training ninja kittens to shear it off for him.