On Valentine's Day a shy but drunk young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes, I do," she replied, "but go ahead since I'm sure you're going to ask anyway."
"Okay," he said. "How many men have you slept with?"
"That's my business!" she snapped.
"Oh cool!" he said. "How much?"
A 97-year-old prostitute got herself listed in the yellow pages and now claims to be the oldest trick in the book.
What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives?
In the Library of Congress you are not allowed to lick the pages.*
Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Xbox as your former girlfriend's pussy.
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" a suspicious wife asked her husband.
"No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."
Competing for their mother's love, two brothers tried to outdo each other with Valentine's Day gifts** for her. One bought his mother a Rolls-Royce. The other, trying to find something more imaginative, spent $100 000 on a rare mynah bird that quoted and sang opera.
A week after Valentine's Day the sons called their mother and asked how she liked their gifts.
"The car is a dream," she said. "All my friends are extremely jealous. And the bird was nice- just a little gamy."