The Life Of Sheila D Lafford ( stressed out teenager)

Saint John : Canada | Jul 03, 2010 at 6:16 PM PDT

By sheiladawn

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So you know my name, Sheila Dawn Lafford. I'm 16 years old. I live with my mom. sometimes. I kinda just bounce around places just trying to live my life. free. i stay the odd night at my mom's. where i am supposed to live. where all my things are. but other times i stay at my boyfriends. he's 17. he lives with his mom. i don't think she likes me all that much but she never says anything.

I work at mcdonalds. I wasn't going to school. i quit. but i finally know what i wanna do with my life so i'm going back in the fall. I wanna be a marine biologist.

I have a big family but we are all broken apart. My dad is an alcoholic. and if he finds out i wrote this down he will be very mad. but it's the truth and he knows it. we don't talk. at all. we don't visit either. and this is my fault but a choice more than a fault at all.

I have made so many mistakes. i've been called mom by some of my siblings. my ex boyfriend's family semi adopted me into their family. i hate my home life. everyday i go home and sit in my bedroom alone and listen to music and make everything think im a phsyco kid just living to die. but that's not true. at all.

i love life. but i'm scared. i live in the city where i don't want to be. i like the country. i love animals but if u look at me and my dark nail polish and my dark clothes and my faux hawk and my dark eyes you'd claim i was born to raise hell or something.

i'm a very nice person but people everywhere are so judge mental. i don't do cliques, which i seem to be finding more and more of in this blasted worl we live in. i tend to make peace with everyone but i am judged by everyone. for stupid reasons. i listent o the devils music or i dress like a boy or im too young to date or have sex. kids everywhere make these same mistakes everyday.

i say suck it the fuck up.

Because if i wait until i'm older to make these mistakes it could mean a lot more trouble for me. and others too.

i wake up and look in the mirror and think hey its just another day.

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"my faux hawk and my dark eyes"

sheiladawn is based in Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada, and is a Stringer for Allvoices.

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Posted By

mrspleats | almost 3 years ago

I feel your pain Sheila.As some one who works in Social Administration in Ontario,I meet kids like you often.It breaks my heart as I know at your core you are a special girl. My heart goes out to you,We did not choose our paretns,they are vessels who brought us intothis world. So love them and forgive them,if they knew better they certainly would do better,do not judge them as you do not want to be judged. Yes in the Canadian system you are still a minor and can be picked up by Children's Aid re foster care etc. I am sure that is not what you want. You mentioned boyfriend,my advice to you forget about that. Start loving you and know that you are special.Say everyday "I am loving ,Loveable and loved and I love myself" Believe it when you say it ,it works.

Do not believe stereotypes,you are not defined by your nail polish,the fact that you help your siblings and other people love you means you have good within and that you are wonderful just the way you are. Not everyone will like you.You just need to show respect ,keep out of the juvenile system and love will come. Believe in yourself always.

You have taken a very big first step realising that you needto make changes,the other thing to avoid is pregnancy as this sometimes is a major deterrent then the boyfriend disappears I see this all the time. Youneed love,speak to social workers in your community or guidance counsellor in your school.
I will leave you with this poem,silver and gold will vanish away but a good education will never decay. Your education is your stepping stone to success. In the next ten years,perhaps grade 12 is the minimum to work at mcDonalds so make sure you complete your education to be marketable. Ok
I got out of bed it is 1.51 am in Toronto ,I do not know why I could not sleep so maybe it was to see your story. Write to me if you want and I will offer you help if you need it ie some counselling.

By writing your story this will help release pain and anger in your body which could lead to illnesses due to stress.
Irated you thumbs up.
I wish you love and joy always.

Reply By

woggie466 | almost 3 years ago

i feel exactly the same way because there's drama in my house every single day!!! which happens to...SUCK really really bad!!! im around your age to so i know it can be really hard to deal with this stuff at this stage...

Posted By

sheiladawn | almost 3 years ago

thank you so much :) your very kind. i hope the coming year is as kind to me as you have been

Posted By

VeronicaS | almost 3 years ago

Writing is cathartic, a way to purge the spirit and soul....so I know this is your first step to healing. I have a child your age and it breaks my heart to see your pain. If your parents can't see you as the gift you are, it's their loss, not yours. I won't tell you everything will work out find and life will be a breeze, but what I do know is if you set your mind to become a marine biologist as you stated, something tells me you will be just that one day...Hope you find the love and peace you need.

Posted By

vinceguglielmi | almost 3 years ago

Keep writing kid. Be yourself, don't give up on your dreams, forgive yourself when you fuck up. That's the best advice i could give you.

Posted By

PennyWatson | almost 3 years ago

Hey Sheiladawn. I remember how hard it was to be a teen, hang in there and never give up on the things that are important to you. Keep writing, I became a fan of yours. Hope things start getting better for you soon, sweetie.