10 Tips to become the “best employee” in office…

1. Never walk without a document in your hand

People with documents in their hand look like hard working employee heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hand look like they’re heading to the canteen. People with newspaper in hand look like they’re heading to toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating false impression that you work longer hours than you do…

2. Use Computers to look busy

Anytime you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. When you get caught by your boss – your best defense is to claim you are teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.

3. Messy Desk

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we are not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work, its volume that count. Pile them high and wide.

4. Voice Mail

Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. Screen all your calls through voice mail, if somebody leaves a voice mail message for you it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they are not there, it looks like you are hardworking and conscientious even though you are being a devious vessel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed

Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the Office Late

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss room on your way out. Send important mails during unearthly hours like (8.05am or 6.05pm) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc… (thick computer manuals are the best)

9. Build Vocabulary

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don’t have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.

10. Have 2 Jackets

If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn roaming around elsewhere.