Swine Flu: The World Turned Upside-down

Gilbert and Sullivan, those 19th Century purveyors of merriment onstage, were fond of using whimsy or topsy-turvey in their light operas.

In their world, all was upside-down and turned around. G&S had heroes as villains and villains as heroes until all was revealed at the very end and all ended up right with the world.

Well, this is the real world and H1N1 is the real thing and frankly folks it's scary.

But, let me see, there's supposed to be an order to obtaining the vaccine, right? Health care workers, then kids, then pregnant women, then the chronically ill and those with impaired immune systems and the rest of the world. Is that about right?

I think it is, although I don't know where public safety officials are on the list (hopefully they'll be among the first)?

The real world experience is one that G&S would love, though, because left is right, black is white and upside-down is right-side up.

I give you the example of a prison-load of offenders getting their shots before the rest of the community. The excuse given, it's the close atmosphere that makes them a prime risk group. And, it gives you a group of high-paid Wall Street money barons getting their shots before the rest of us, just the other day.

May I ask, at the risk of offending family members of prisoners out there or any millionaire's family that may have just received their shot, why should some lunkhead who knocked over a convenience store get the shot before me or others higher on the list? And, I guess some Wall Street money guy is more important than me, just a humble writer, right?

Yes, I am on the list, too, but who drew it up? Who decided on the order, anyway? Prisoners and money brokers have been put before kids that's a good one. It should go to the Guinness Book of Records for Stupidity.

It's ironic, though, that I'm of an age that is supposed to be somewhat immune to H1N1 because of earlier exposures, but I am also one whose immune system and stomach are shot as are my back and hips, so I have a vested interest in this (why else would I be angry). I have some chronic illnesses that still have my specialists scratching their heads at how I can cope so well?

They might want to know that I don't cope as well as they think as I sit here at 4:36 in the morning writing this and I've been up for about two hours because I can't sleep worth spit, but who cares about people like me?

I can understand the list where kids who have never had this disease HAVE to get this shot and I can understand why pregnant women are in a preferred position. But, prisoners and brokers with preferences? This is beyond belief, but it is true.

And, who decides who a "health worker" is anyway? Is it the mindless teen behind the register at the local Walgreen's who's more interested in texting than helping customers? Is it a library clerk at a hospital? They are all in health-related fields.

I don't pretend to have any answers to these questions because I'm the one asking them and I suppose there are people out there who might say, "So what, he's had his run? I need the shot more than he does?"

Well, my asking friend, I have a little news: my little family wouldn't agree with you. I have a wife and all the trappings and while I am middle-aged (memo to relatives if I croak, you won't get anything because there's nothing in the first place), I have a few more years in me so I'd like to, at least, get the chance to finish my shot and so would my wife.

So now you know the reason for my anger.

And when I hear that prison-load of inmates or a bunch of New York "Masters of the Universe" getting shots ahead of kids who are at risk, all I can do is shake my head.

So whoever decided the order of things should rethink priorities. I'd give up my shot to a kid or a pregnant woman in a heartbeat because that's the way I'm built. Would I do it for prisoners those "Masters"? You have to be joking?