Kiss Your New Delhi Ass Goodbye!

Pretty soon people in New Delhi will be getting their asses out of town, government orders. With over 150 asses peppering Jawarhalal Nehru Marg, an enclave of New Delhi,a group of men in salwar kameez and skullcaps seated cross-legged in the straw playing cards lament the abrupt end of their livelihood.

The requirement to clean up the sprawling urban oasis comes less than a year before the Commonwealth Games are expected to held in New Delhi. The impoverished relying on the selling and trading of their asses and other livestock cry out, "where will they throw us?" No one is sure. For now, they will have to sit with their asses and wait for the inevitable.

Delhi is awash with bukwas – Hindi for nonsense — about the Indian capital's supposed emergence as a “world class city” before the opening ceremony of the 19th annual Commonwealth Games, to be held here beginning from Oct. 3 next year.Are they trying to make another Beijing? Does the world really need another one?

In a country where the average Indian makes less than $1000 a year, $15 billion dollars is pouring into this city alone to make the necessary preparations to make the city ready to be show cased to the world for the Big Games. In a true twist of political and economic hypocrisy, the country continues to struggle with drought, starvation, and political corruption. The government assures the outraged citizens of New Delhi that roads and infrastructure will see the bulk of the money, and make the city an even greater place to live. However, the majority of people in India, who never know when they will have their next meal, question the lack of sensitivity and concern of the government. Critics say the various initiatives suggest the government's plans will make life better for the city's wealthy without doing much good for its long-suffering poor.

The city has promised a “signal free” stretch of costly flyovers and tunnels into the heart of town from Indira GandhiIndira Gandhi International Airport, which will only make life more difficult for pedestrians and bicyclists — i.e. those too poor to afford a scooter. The government plans to use mostly public facilities, however they are also allocating a good portion of dollars towards the members-only Siri Fort Sports Complex. Since athletes will need housing, something poorly underserved by the local Delhi University, they have huge plans to construct domitories for them. However, widespread outrage over that plan made them scrap that plan and concoct plans for renovating downtown apartments into luxury condos. That will further displace more poor Indians who were fortunate enough to finally achieve the success of more stable housing.

The real kick in the ass (no pun intended) is this: Delhi also plans to renovate one of its oldest and (though chaotic) most charming areas, sterilize the city's
260,000 stray dogs, stamp out Delhi Belly and send the city's 60,000 destitute beggars packing for parts unknown. In addition, it also has the pipe dream of removing dangerous thickets of electrical wires in the commercial center Chandni Chowk, lay new water and gas lines, and convert the area to a pedestrian-only zone paved with Mughal-era bricks. This will take at least $3 million they say, but residents are convinced that most of that money will go towards bribes, not renovating this historical district.

Anyone can go a few minutes by foot into any neighborhood-even the nicest areas, and see that New Delhi's overhaul would easily take over 25 years to refurbish, not less than one year. Critics accuse the government of not having their priorities in order.They argue audiences during the games will be looking for its proof of the moral character and sensitivity of the world's largest democracy — India's “soft power.”

I always find it hugely amusing that people make such a huge deal about who will host these world games. Then, when they win the bid, they scramble around like chickens without a head, or like newly married people with in-laws coming for the holidays, frantically trying to impress the world about how wonderful and awesome they are. Is it just me, or does that sound down right ludicrous and hypocritical? Why aren't these same hysterical people concerned not what others think of them, but what their own countries think of them, the ones that elect them into office and obey their laws? Why don't they feed them, bring judicial and social order, and safe infrastructure on a daily basis to their own people? If, perhaps, they were doing their damn jobs, they wouldn't have to worry about how the world perceives them and what humongous failures they are! Why do these countries in such disrepair, like India and Brazil, get the vote to hold games in their countries anyway? Nothing against them, they are both beautiful countries-but they lack so much internally and are incredibly unstable as a whole. The games only worsen the colossal problems they are plagued with! Now money they don't have and should have pulled out of thin air to care for their poor and needy is going towards efforts to impress the world! Is this absolutely foolish or what? Why didn't this money magically appear when their down and destitute, their asses and cows, and their uneducated and diseased begged for mercy from their state of irrevocable plight? I know why! It wasn't motivating. It wasn't important. No one cares, in a general world-wide consensus, if a few thousand asses die, a few cows get mad cow disease, a few Africans starve, a million get AIDS, children go uneducated, or countless women defecate in public or give birth on the roadside. Screw them. They are just property. They are just disposable. To hell with them. They have no rights. While we are at it, abort the babies who aren't "perfect", that aren't male, that interfere with your plans-whatever they are.