Lindsey Lohan Needs Barack's Help (For Realsies This Time)

Before I begin I'd like to point out that yes, that is a ankle bracelet in the photo above and yes, that kind of thing normally turns me on.

I apologize for momentarily straying from my professional and strict focus on politics, but I had a thang for Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan before she changed her diet to an exclusive regiment of Marlboro red's, cocaine, semen and morning-after-pills. Besides, she and Obama have history, so indulge me some T&A.

Lindsay is concerned that her dad is going to kidnap her.

“If I can’t get a conservatorship, then I’m going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight,” Michael Lohan told X17Online. “But I know I’m going to get charged with kidnapping.” - MSNBC

Yeah Michael, that would be kidnapping. But maybe it's cool, because during the two years you spent in prison for substance abuse, you became a priest. Pehaps another stint in rehab would work for Lindsey better than it did last time when half the staff (male and female) qualified for STD clinical trials after she checked out. Some of us actually want to help Lindsay solve all her problems. By switching out her Valtrex with a little hemlock.

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