At a Hindu Betrothal Ceremony: Sharing my experience

When a Man and Woman Marry, Two Families Join...

When two people decide to commit themselves to one another in marriage their lives change irrevocably. That decision affects them entirely, touching all the people to whom they are already related and almost everyone they will meet in the future.

Each culture celebrates this significant life moment in its own way. Last weekend I attended an Indian-American couple's Hindu engagement ceremony. They graciously allowed me to share images from their celebration here.

I asked many questions of the other guests to learn about the customs that were new to me. They answered me generously, as best they could on the spot. (I have not fact-checked what I'm sharing here, it is simply what I experienced and learned at that one event.)

I hope that readers who, like me, never had the opportunity to attend a similar service will appreciate this glimpse into another culture. And, conversely, for readers who are familiar, I'll appreciate any comments you'd be willing to share from your experience. Every ceremony is unique and perhaps not reflective of the norm, because every couple is unique.

A basic overview of the engagement event:

1) The families meet, greet and exchange gifts.

2) The couple pledges their commitment before the gathered assembly.

3) The family members from both sides greet the new couple and offer support through gifts and speeches.

4) All present share a meal and a dance.

This report will focus on the first aspect:

the meeting of the families of the future bride and future groom.

We gathered for the celebration in a large restaurant/banquet facility. Outside the banquet hall room, the two families organized themselves in family groups, each on opposite ends of the great corridor. Then, they simultaneously approached one another in formation: the mothers walked alone in the lead followed by four males of the families in the first row behind them. These first five all bore gifts, collectively called the matli; those gifts then became part of the ceremony. The rest of the relatives followed their five leaders in a family entourage.

The two families met outside the entrance to the hall. There the Brahmin awaited them. And the activity began.

The images are rich and are - to me, as a first-time participant - unusual and beautiful. There are more details on the captions to the photo images attached to this report. Click on the tab "Images: 9" at the top of the page to see the photos.

The video at the top of the post shows members of the two families blessing and embracing one another at the onset of the evening. After the formal meeting in the corridor, at the banquet hall entrance, the future groom's family, who host the event, enter the banquet hall first. Watch them welcome the future bride and her family as they are entering the hall. This is a happily anticipated marriage; you'll see the joy as the future relatives from the two different families greet and bless one another. When a younger person greets an older person, it is customary for the younger one to show respect to the elder by reaching down to touch the elder's foot or shoe. You will see that traditional practice on the video. You'll also see the Brahmin as he enters the hall wearing his ceremonial garb.

These two families will be forever joined by the joined lives of their two offspring.

This report is intended to be the first segment in a series of three.