Dear Maggie: Bored with Husband

Dear Maggie,

I have been married for six and a half years and really don't much desire to be around my husband. I don't have that special love for him I used to. I used to light up when he walked into the room, when he held my hand, when we would stay up all night just talking. But, now, I don't even care if we sleep in the same bed. I am afraid our son is being affected by this. We don't fight or anything, it's kind of blah. I am seriously considering leaving.

Bored in Oklahoma

Dear Bored,

There are a number of reasons you may be feeling less than excited about your marriage. You are quickly approaching the infamous seven-year-itch. By this time you and your husband are probably in an expected routine- working, eating, sleeping, typical duties with your son...it is very easy to lose that connection which brought you together in the first place. This is a time when many people search outside their marriage for the attention and excitement they are lacking in their relationship at home. But, it's possible to find that excitement again inside the marriage. The most important part of this is that you recognize what is happening, then you can work to fix it.

1. Something that can help fight the boredom is to find out something new about your partner. Sometimes we think we know everything about people we love, but that is just impossible. Something that can bring you closer together may be to find old pictures of each other growing up and make a scrapbook together(or put them in a photo album); the stories that go along with the pictures can give you hours of laughs, and sometimes a few tears. Either way you are sharing new things and some of that old excitement can come back during the process.

2. Ensure that you are taking time to be with each other alone. It's so easy to get busy with life, but having time just for the two of you forces you to focus on each other. Plus, it's important sometimes to be able to look forward to something outside the normal routine. It can be fun getting all dressed up and doing all the things you did when you were first dating. It's well worth paying a babysitter for this time.

3. Try something simple like leaving a little note for your partner in his shaving kit, in his lunch, or on the bathroom mirror. Just knowing that you are thinking about him enough to write a simple "I love you" can make a real difference. It can start a chain reaction, and before you know it, your spouse may be calling you on his lunch or texting you at some point during the day, and this can rekindle some of the feelings that brought you close in the beginning.

4. Plan an adventure together. Maybe a vacation, a weekend away, even a day trip close-by. Even just the act of planning it gets you engaged with one another, working toward a common goal.

5. Watch your wedding video, or even just the wedding photos. Talk about the day, if you were nervous, and what you were thinking right before walking down the aisle. This can bring you so close together and really remind you of coming together as one.

6. Buy a white board or bulletin-type of board and post it somewhere easily viewed often throughout the day. Every day think of one thing you love about your partner. Just make sure it's completely genuine. Sometimes we forget all the things we love about them!

These are only a few ways which can you on the path to reconnecting with your spouse. If anyone has any great ideas, I would love to hear them!

Give Somebody a Great Big Hug,

Maggie