Renunciation

BEEP! BEEP!

“Thank you for calling customer service. My name is Ryan. How may I help you today?”

“Yes, I would like to know what the HELL is going on with my phone bill?!!”

Oh great, I thought to myself, another pissed off customer. Why do people insist on stressing themselves out over the most insignificant things?

I found myself asking that same question with every call I answered. Even though I had a short-lived career as a customer service representative it still had a profound effect on me. It gave me an insight into the foolishness of mankind’s obsession and indentification with material objects.

BEEP! BEEP!

That infernal beep is the sound I would hear in my headset to warn me of an incoming call. It wasn’t enough that I had to deal with angry customers on a daily basis but I also had to listen to numerous supervisors and corporate executives talking about “First Call Resolution” and “Doing what’s best for the company.” Most of the time “doing what’s best for the company” meant worshipping the customer and giving them whatever they asked for.

Of course, not every customer I dealt with was difficult. Unfortunately, the appreciative ones were too few and far in between. However, those are the calls I remember the most. When someone thanks you numerous times or jokingly proposes marriage- how can you NOT remember?

One call that stands out the most to me was when this older gentleman called in to inquire about some mysterious charges on his bill. He was very calm about the whole thing and he even made a little small talk. He asked me questions such as “Do you have any hobbies?” and “How long have you been working for the phone company?”

After about an hour, it had taken me a while to correct the discrepancy on his bill, I then learned that he had cancer and was driving to his next chemo therapy treatment. Up until then, there really wasn’t any indication in his voice that made him seem like he was suffering in any way. He did cough occasionally in between sentences but it was mostly done to clear his throat.

Towards the end of our conversation he then stated how cancer has opened his mind and changed his perspective.

“You know, Ryan. I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. But there are times when I’m sitting in my backyard, just looking up at the sky and I find myself being overwhelmed with a sense of calmness. In that moment, I then wish that everyone could feel what I’m feeling.”

As soon as he spoke those words, time seemed to slow down and I was really absorbing everything. By everything I don’t just mean his words but also my environment as well. When I looked around at all of the countless other customer service reps and saw them stressing out over dealing with infuriated customers, I then realized something that I’ve always known. This is NOT how life should be.

After saying his thanks and wishing me a good day, the gentleman then said, “I hope you never have to experience anything close to this disease, Ryan.”

To which I responded with a heartfelt, “Thank you, Sir.”

And in case you’re wondering how I fixed his phone bill problem, I simply credited his account. My supervisor didn’t like me doing that but he got over it pretty fast. The next few weeks after that call went by in a big blur. Nothing but screaming, shouting, confused customers. All the while, I could still hear the gentleman’s words in my head.

I don’t recall exactly when I decided to give up call center life, all I do remember is being overwhelmed by a strong sense of… not belonging there. It didn’t take much for me to just stand up from my cubicle, walk over to my supervisor, tell him I quit and drive home. I didn’t care about whether I’d find another job or not. All I knew was that the sooner I got away from that environment the sooner I would find what I was meant to do.

In the following months I began my search by delving into every book about spirituality I could get my hands on. Since I was brought up in a somewhat catholic household I already had a strong aversion towards organized religion (I just never bought into the whole concept of a vengeful God). I later grew to have a strong affinity for Buddhism. Like most people, I had always assumed that all Buddhists lived in monasteries secluded from society and just sat around doing nothing. When in actuality a little less than half of all devout Buddhists live in monasteries. Plus, their days are spent chanting, praying, bowing, meditating, walking and teaching. Though I have tried a few of these rituals, meditation and walking are the two I enjoy the most. The thing that really caught my attention was learning about the life of Buddha himself.