On Our Terms: Siding with Those Most Like Us

October 12, 2009

Woody AllenWoody Allen, Glenn BeckGlenn Beck, George W. BushGeorge W. Bush, Hillary ClintonHillary Clinton, Sasha Cohen, Charles GibsonCharles Gibson, Franklin Graham, Sean HannitySean Hannity, Woody HarrelsonWoody Harrelson, David LettermanDavid Letterman, Rush LimbaughRush Limbaugh, Barack ObamaBarack Obama, Conan O’Brien, Joel OsteenJoel Osteen, Bill O’Reilly, Sarah PalinSarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Michael Phelps, Roman Polanski, Harry Reid, Dianne Sawyer, Sonia Sotomayor, Joe Wilson and Oprah Winfrey.

Recent expressions of support by some individuals in the Hollywood community for Roman Polanski reminded me that in spite of any individual’s behavior, whether it might be perceived as being either good or bad, we may choose to identify with and align ourselves with them.

The listing of names at the beginning of this article, while hardly all-inclusive, may be thought of as a brief cross-section of individuals that for one reason or another may attract our attention. Whether that attention might be in the form of negative or positive feelings, of course, probably depends much upon who we are as individuals.

The chances are, though, that at least one or more names from the list above probably have some effect on you when you hear or read them. Some names we may relate to a particular instance in that person’s life. For still others, we may feel complete admiration and our feelings involve being drawn to them for an entirely different reason than defending dubious behavior.

The fact is, in spite of all varieties of "bad behavior", and whether that behavior occurs in public or private, we may still decide to stand alongside a given individual. And on the other hand, if a person exhibits what we perceive as being "model behavior" that behavior too may draw our attention sufficiently that we tend to identify with that person and others much like him or her.

Race, education, wealth, sexual orientation, notoriety, goodness, religion, status, independence; the list could go on and on – and it actually does. These factors and certain other factors can seem to sometimes override behavioral considerations. That can mean that we sometimes redefine some types of behavior to fit our own terms. People who have been charged with anti-social and even criminal behavior can, in our own eyes, still sometimes do no wrong.

The flip side of this rather normal tendency to identify with those like us is that we may attempt to alienate ourselves from just about everyone and every walk of life. We might say that we have no opinion at all on almost any matter. We may try to be little more than bystanders; simply observers of life more than participants.

Do our reactions mean we are simply recognizing the humanity that is inherent in all individuals? Or does it mean we are trying our best to exhibit fairness and neutrality whenever it comes to someone’s actions? And most of all, in spite of our best efforts to do so, is it really even possible to divorce ourselves from those who are most like us; to set ourselves aside from our "own kind" ?