The Stimulus Package has ruined Monopoly Forever

When I landed on Park Place the first time it wasn’t that big of a deal, I had been saving up for a little while because my Marvin Gardens properties had been doing quite well. But after a little bad luck one night when I ended up in jail my luck turned for the worst. Starting 2 days later when I was finally able to post bail, the train home charged me 4 times the regular fair and shortly there after while trying to pay off the fines I incurred from that giant mistake a recession hit and the whole economy went to hell.

I scrimped and saved and avoided going bankrupt by making backdoor deals and kept my head above water for a few days until I landed on Park Place again and I found out exactly how bad things had gotten. While I was talking with the proprietor at Park place they informed me that I would either have to hand over my Single profitable source of income to pay for the debt OR mortgage it myself. And to add insult to injury they then told me that as the major player on the board they had decided that they were going to push for a better health care plan for everyone!

Which sounded great at first until I found out that because I was a business owner I would be required to pay in a higher tax bracket for my employees insurance rates unless I was somehow able to employ and cover a few hundred million other people, because hey, someone has to pay for it, Right? Well if that’s the way it has to be then so be it, because if the world is going be a better place I might as well do my part, so I kept my head up high and went to the Bank in order to make the world a better place for everyone.

Only to find out that the only bank in play had denied my loan application because the bank was no longer loaning money after some poor real estate choices someone at corporate had made and in order to stay afloat they needed to get a 30 trillion dollar loan from the owners of Park Place. There was nothing wrong with the explanation they gave, which was that they had loaned money to people that couldn’t afford a house so that they could then buy a house, because everyone deserved a place to live and a piece of the American dream, right?

Well the loan option was out so I mortgaged my house and continued on my way, skimping and starving some more barely scraping by and trying to make a little cash where I could until I heard some wonderful news! The local bank had awarded a 10 million dollar bonus to 10 of its top executives!! This must surely mean that the recession was over and the bank could afford to loan me the money so I can get back on my feet, After all I had never missed a payment and was one of their most valued customers, at least that’s what the statements I got every months said!

So I turned back to Park Place, because they of course now own the bank, with my head held high that I had weathered the storm and was going to win, only to be turned away and instead. This time I was told that the bank would not be making any more loans until they have achieved 3 things.

#1 allowed half of the 30 trillion dollars they were loaned to help out those who had lost their homes in the recent recession. (By giving loans to people who can’t afford them, and to provide health care to everyone who doesn’t have it)

#2 kept half the 30 trillion in reserves in case this kind of mistake is ever made again by corporate.

#3 Re-played every scent of the 30 trillion back to Park Place.

After this I was informed that my next stay at Park Place would end up being even more expensive because they had made some recent loans that they needed to re-coup in order to save a local bank from failing and completely ruining the commerce and economy of the entire board.

So without a second thought I handed them the deed to my Properties which they technically owned already and with my head held high I went out to find a way to pay my taxes, the same ones that are paying the rent for the poor less fortunate living in the property I used to own as well as the health care for their family that is on the way onto the board from across the border.

But it will be worth it in the end to make the world a better place after all, Wont it?