Women's Need For Emotional Intimacy

In the longer-term, a successful sex life involves continuing to enjoy each other's company in a broader sense than just sex.

It involves demonstrating affection by reacting sensitively to each other's needs. If a man wants his partner to make effort in sex, then he will need to invest in the emotional intimacy she needs to feel amenable to sex.

"Men, remember, feel good as a result of having sex. Women want to feel good before having sex." (p260 How Men can get more Sex and Women can get more Love 1994)

Sex tips for men

Try to show that you appreciate what your partner has offered in the past and be ready to give her some space when things are not going so swimmingly for her later on.

Here are some suggestions:

• When you have family, insist on some privacy in the bedroom early on and be prepared to arrange and pay for regular evenings out together.
• Spend some quality time together but avoid looking for an immediate payback.
• Appreciate the effort that your partner is making in sex. Look at the balance between who gives and who receives (a higher pay check is not enough).
• She will not want to 'make love' to you if she is angry or exhausted. You can't expect her to be amenable in bed if you are inconsiderate outside the bedroom.
• Be the devoted admirer. For a woman to be amenable to sex she needs to feel good about herself (sexually attractive) and good about you (wider relationship).
• Apply the kiss test: full French kissing (sensual and loving) can be the sexiest part of sex. If you have stopped kissing as a couple, then revitalise your relationship and sex life by re-introducing some passion.

"Just as a man forgets feelings, a woman forgets her sensual desires and longings. The practicalities of day-to-day survival and living take precedence over their deeper and more sensual desires." (p32 Mars & Venus in the Bedroom 1995)

"This does not mean that every time I do the dishes, she is supposed to have sex with me. That would not be romance. That would be a business deal." (p201 Mars & Venus in the Bedroom 1995)

Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com.