Difficulty Reaching Orgasm During Sex

Any woman who can climax with a partner either by using orgasm techniques from masturbation or through oral sex can at least enjoy orgasm during love-making. The problem occurs when a woman never learns how to orgasm with a partner because she does not succeed with applying orgasm techniques to sex.

The pre-orgasmic woman, who can only orgasm during masturbation, has to accept that she has her orgasm during time alone and that sex with a partner involves making the most of other aspects of physical intimacy.

Sex with a partner can quite legitimately include activities other than sexual intercourse but ultimately most of us end up with a pattern for sex that includes intercourse or penetrative sex at some point. This may simply be because Nature intended that men should get the best possible sexual satisfaction from orgasm achieved by thrusting during penetrative sex.

"One thing that all words about sex have in common, the four-letter words, medical words and euphemisms, is that they include the idea of penetration of a vagina by a penis. You haven't really "made love" unless this has happened." (p36 Woman's Experience of Sex - 1983).

This means that the issue of female orgasm during intercourse is still important even if a woman can orgasm by other means. What amazes me is that everyone understands immediately if a man questions lack of orgasm but my dilemma often meets with a complete lack of comprehension. Exactly what is your problem - other women aren't bothered so why should you be? Unfortunately, a woman who is familiar with orgasm often doesn't see the point of sexual activity without her own orgasm.

"Although there has been some disagreement in the past as to whether the absence of coital orgasms without accompanying manual clitoral stimulation is an abnormality per se, most sexologists today have concluded that this is not the case. ... This distinction is often of little solace to a woman who is unhappy about not having orgasms with intercourse, however, even if she is vehemently reassured that she is completely normal." (p587 Human Sexuality (fifth edition) 1995)

For a long time, I found it difficult to interpret this advice. Perhaps they assume that a woman can orgasm as easily as men do via other means with a partner e.g. oral sex or mutual masturbation. I thought they were implying that women are happy settling for only emotional (as opposed to physical) pleasure from their sex life. This is only likely to be the case if a woman is unfamiliar with orgasm.

"Most women want affection and closeness and they obtain great sexual enjoyment if their partner arouses them, by stimulating their erotic areas gently and seductively; but once a woman has experienced an orgasm, she wants that too." (p106 EveryMan 1980)

The website Go Ask Alice! confirms that it is likely to be difficult for a woman to reach orgasm through intercourse since the clitoris is not located inside a woman's vagina. They suggest that women should aim to have their orgasm during other sexual activity either before or after intercourse.

Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com