Governor Sanford, Sex & the Republican

It is hard to be a Republican in today’s America.

Republican most important prospect for 2012 presidential race, Governor Mark SanfordGovernor Mark Sanford of South Carolina today admitted to an affair with a woman from Argentina. The governor had disappeared for days and had created an impression that he went hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Well, the ploy and the deceit all crumbled. For a family values governor, his political career is as good as over.

It is hard to be a Republican in today’s America.

You don’t know if you should be embarrassed by Gov. Sarah PalinSarah Palin or be infatuated. You don’t know if President George W. BushPresident George W. Bush was a mole of the Democratic Party or a conservative who lost his way. You don’t know if Dick CheneyDick Cheney was under the influence of the devil or if he was the devil himself. And to make matters worse, you don’t know if you will die by worshipping Rush LimbaughRush Limbaugh or if you will die for not worshipping Rush Limbaugh. You don’t know if Glenn BeckGlenn Beck is God sent or sent God.

It is hard enough to be a Republican in today’s America.

To top it up, you cannot even have sex anymore. Happening at the same time when Michael Steel, the Chairman of the Republican Party is trying very hard to bring sexy back to the party must be frustrating.

Senator Larry CraigSenator Larry Craig(the airport bathroom tap dancer), Senator Jack Ryan(the swinger Republican whose adventures precipitated the Obama era), Representative Bob Livingston (the one that would have been a speaker), Mark FoleyMark Foley (page boy poacher), and now, Senator Ensign, must be asking why are Democrats the only ones allowed to have fun?

You see, the irony of it all is that sex is a Republican. You don’t want small children to know about it else they stop eating their vegetables. You are better off wearing protection when you are involved in it. You fake it to make your partner happy. And most importantly, like Woody AllenWoody Allen said, “sex” (like Republicans) “is dirty when done right.”

A Republican worth his or her salt knows how to smile while carrying the poor minority baby who has no health insurance and whose food stamp he just voted to discontinue. A Republican knows how to demand for bigger bombs for the military when schools are crumbling all around him. A Republican knows how to plant guns as replacement for roses on every front yard in America. A Republican has no qualms replacing the Constitution with the Ten Commandments. A Republican does not think twice about sentencing to death the obsolete children while swearing for the right of the unborn children.

Sex is a Republican, if only they can get it right.