My Kingdom "Not for a CAT"

True natural born hunters. They are vicious relentless patient killers with a pension for morbidity.

Yes, they can be cute, cuddly and behond affectionet. Purring, meowing and playfully batting at a dangling string.... This is a cover folks. In all my years of life minus about a decade. I have lived with cats. For 3 of the 30+ years I also had a dog. They are fun but are really needy and stinky if u don't bath them often. And to a 10 year old, that is not high priority.

Cats are really almost self maintaining granted you don't get stuck with a retarded one. I have had 10 in my life and only 2 were morons. They clean themselves, they find food when u forget that they need to eat, they even rub incessantly up against you to get affection even when u are not giving it.

Don't be fooled by the cute videos on youtube, the lolcats trend, or the adorablness of their youth kitty life.

They rip the shit out of your furniture if u don't have them declawed, they spray all over your house when thay are in heat, and to top off the fun, they leave prizes and gifts for you. No, not like a dog, but granted I have had a few that do that as well. No, these gifts are fun for the whole family. Remember at the beginning when I said they are hunters? Yeah, these little fur ball predictors kill almost everything smaller than another cat ( there is an exception to this too) they bring in their kills as trophies and display them for you on purpose I swear. I will give u an example of just 1 month at my house. 3 cats, 5 kids (we only have cats because the kids wanted them by the way despite my warnings) 26 mice, 4 rats, 13 birds, 7 squirrels, 5 moles, and a frickin rabbit! Yeah, a cute bunny rabbit ripped to shreds! Left the f***** right at the end of my daughter's bed!

The fun shit is when they bring live catches into the house so they can play with them. The birds are the best. Feathers end up absolutely everywhere and they most times rip the head off. AND WE CAN NEVER FIND IT! What the hell do they do with it? Eat it?!

And what's worst is, the kids still want them! They would have disappeared long ago if it weren't for the kids. The movie Sleepwalkers flashes to mind. But it seems like I am living Pet Cometary. Kinda.

People don't be fooled. They will eat you if you die if they can't get out of the house. Why do u think they don't have any expressions? They just don't give a shit. Yeah, they will purr and cuddle and rub up against you, even let you dress them up. But when push comes to shove, they will rip your face off.

Buy a fish.