Dear citzens of the bay area (from Tamien all the way to San Francisco)

Being high and feeling low on caltrain December 31st, 2008

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Please stop commiting suicide! Please stop being stupid and drunk and running accross the traintracks when the guardrail is down and the superduper fast bullet train is coming. As a compassionate human being, psych major, and most importantly a regular Caltrain rider, I urge you to reconsider how valuebale and precious your life is. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. no relationship, no job loss, no failure. Please find some one to talk to or a theraputic activity or something.

Or i mean if you gotta commit suicide can you just save it for a non peak commute hour?

i have been a regular caltrain rider for almost two years. ANd i think i have been affected by at least 6-7 of these incidents. Ya you commit suicide and you are done. But what about me? I get stuck on the train in somewhere abissmal like south city or San Mateo, while they clean up your remains.

Gross.

But sometimes its even worse. Last night coming back from the city, the train just stopped for 20 minutes yards away from the Menlo Park Station. It was pitch black and all i could see was thickets of trees and barbed wire that fenced me in the suffocating car. I was scared.

Its one thing to be stuck on a train. its quite another to be stuck on a train when you're high. I felt like hours had passed. And the people in the car were starting to sketch me out. There was the creepy guy who kept wheeling his bicycle around, the wheels like fingernails on the chalkboard everytime they kissed the floor....

Were they going to let me off of the train? They HAD to let me off of the train. What was going on? why were we stopping? WHy wont anyone tell me anything? They are going to let me off the train. They have to let me off the train. What happens if they never let me off the train? I am never going to get off of this train!

and then this random woman kept chiming up and i swear she sounded like a cuukko clock. The guy next to her kept staring at me. Everyone in the train as staring at me as i paced around. I kept trying to catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window

Were my eyes bloodshot? Was my hair a mess? Was my face flushed? Did i reek of weed? Was my dress unbuttoned? Could people tell i had just rolled out of bed? I knew i should have showered. I probably had that ridiculous glow on my face. You know THAT glow. That glow you get from smoking pot and having pre-new years sex....

I looked down at my black knee length boots and paced around the car a little more. being stuck in the Bicycle car is a new experience for me. I usually spend most of my time chilling in a two seater; my purse on one chair, my ass on the other. That day i had made a particular ass out of myself by searching frantically for my cellphone. Guess where it was?
My coat pocket. I caught the attention of a group from spain. The man asked for number so he could call my phone for me. The way he stared at my ass though, made me think that he had another reason for pocketing my number...

I am enlightening my fellow passsengers about Millgram and Zimbardo (famous psychological studdies) when the loudspeaker starts squeaking.

"Ladies and Gentlemen there has been a fatality in Mountain View. We will be delayed indefintely while they clean up the remains."

"F*** NO"

"This is fucking ridiculous"

"PEople need to stop commiting suicide."

"i mean why cant they just pop some pills or something."

I was so aggrivated. Seriosuly on New years? WHo the f*** commits suicide on New Years Eve? That's depressing.

Fortunately they end up putting all of the trains on one track instead of leaving us indefintely. Eventually we chug along...right past my station of course.

I get out a Palo Alto, and find that hours will pass by before a northbound train will arrive. Two hours wait for a two minute ride. I chat with some guys waiting for the train and they advise that i walk. One of the guys offers to let me sit on the back of his bicylce. I decline. I call my bestfriend who once again saves me.

And then i celebrate. Drink, laugh, get pushed by some bitch...Happy 2009.

i guess I dont understand the allure of commting sucide via the train tracks. Caltrain is sooooo unromantic. Jumping off the golden gate bridge maybe...When i was in highschool it seemed like the most common way to commit suicide. One boy from paly used to go to my temple. I remember we had a special wednesday night school session after he commit suicide . All the rabbis and teachers were there and urged us to talk. I just did not get it. I don't think anyone did. Especially not the rabbis and teachers.

And now with caltrain back in my life. I am faced with this constant reminder. Of people ending there lives short...of what could have happened had they lived...of all the stories that are cut short every year. so many lost stories.

But what can you do caltrain? You put up barriers and railing, and gates. You put up prohibiting signs and warn about superfast bullets and big fines. YOu put uphotline numbers. You even give attempters a last chance urging them to seek help and not jump. You could put a bar in the train to make the delay more bearable...The other riders in the bicycle car that evening thought these were effective measures. Squeaky bike man though they should put phones in the middle of the tracks so people could call if they were feeling suicidal.

Personally i believe if you are going to commit suicide you are going to commit suicide. At that point You dont give a crap about a sign. You sure as hell arent going to call a hotline. ANd why the f*** would you care about a fine....you are going to be dead anyways!

Its morbid. its disturbing. its something i really would prefer not to contemplate on a regular basis. but damn it you make me! I feel myself getting pissed off at people- people who dont even exist anymore. And then i get pissed off at the family and friends of the people. And then i get pissed off at society. But whose fault is it? Mine for being selfish and wanting the train to run on time? The person who commit suicide for being so selfish and inconsiderate of people who ride the train?

News Flash commiting sucide on the traintracks can really f*** the train schedule! Dont Do it! If not for yourself for the commuters!

Or caltrains fault for not cleaning up dilligently, or not notifying passengers prior to departure that PS you aint getting home tonight.

My dear citzens of the Bay area, a new year has fallen upon us. This sublime 2009. Let it be divine. I urge you to smile at someone new everyday. To live with a little more patience. To cherish whatever children or obnoxious teenagers you have in your life. Trains, bridges, pills, its not the answer. This year Let us work together to prevent suicide on Caltrain tracks.

Then maybe just maybe that stupid train will run on time for once.

Love
Randee