Don't Give In

What is happening to the world today? I see all these reality shows, and more and more issues that come forth. I am watching Dog the Bounty Hunter, and I see a young girl. She is so adamant about being a totally out of control person, that she doesn’t want to help herself. I don’t understand how you can be so determined to do drugs, drink and destroy your life that you would sink into a hole so deep you can’t find yourself anymore. When does life get so complicated that it is okay to just give up and turn your back on your family and friends to turn to a life that will end up destroying you in the end? I have seen people start to drink and do drugs, because they feel that their life is so hard to live, that doing that makes it easier on them. What does it take for them to realize, that the pain that is erased with that first drink or that first hit, comes back twice as strong when you sober up. I know what pain is, I know what it is like to be at the end and not want to get out of bed. I know that when the pain in your heart and head hurt that much, it would be so much easier to make it disappear for a few hours, because then you would have a clear head and peace. I buried my four month old baby girl, long before I was ready to give her up. I was in the hospital when the doctors told me she was gone. The world stopped at that moment, and the pain seeped in. I wanted to smack the doctors and shake sense into them, scream at them not to give up, to keep trying, because she couldn’t die. I remember trying to hold on, thinking it was just a dream, when I woke up she would be there crying for her milk. The days passed quickly and soon it was the day of her funeral. I didn’t want to go; I wanted to stay in bed. What parent wants to admit that their baby won’t be coming home anymore? I did go to her funeral and I lowered her into the ground. I went to her remembrance celebration and watched as others tried to make it better. I remember at that moment, thinking if I could make the pain stop for a few hours it would be so much better. I looked down and seen at my feet an angel charm. It was a sign to me from my precious angel Kelsey, that the pain would fade on its own in time and I would be fine. I still have that charm and keep it on me daily, and I thank my sweet angel for saving me from destroying my life and my families. I have two other wonderful daughters, and a great husband who I love dearly; if I had taken that path, their lives would have been destroyed also. I know that it is hard sometimes to remember others when the pain is so fierce, but giving in only subdues it for a few hours, days, or years; however, in the end it will be more than it was when you took that first step to make it stop. Take up a hobby or talk to someone, but why destroy your life when you were given it to serve a purpose. Take a look through the eyes of those that love you and see yourself. What do you think they see? Ask them and I bet the answer is different than what you thought it would be.