Awards, Awards, Awards. Where’s my award for....for.... damn....press the pause button. There’s the Grammy Awards, Golden Globe Awards, MTV Music Awards, The Oscars (Academy Awards) and....Best Mum and Dad of the Year Awards. Don’t tell me you have not heard of the last one, c’mon. What the heck, let’s have a party, let’s have an awards ceremony. We might be able to sneek into The Oscars, the pinnacle of award ceremonies; here’s the backstage curtain, you ready, let’s go.
It’s almost like Oscar The Grouch from Sesame Street ditched the garbage can, got spick and span (sh**, shaved and showered) and transformed himself into The Oscar (s), with an ‘s’, for all the other Oscars who will follow on. A clean cut Oscar The Grouch would make a great host for The Oscars. Of course he’ll need a booster seat because he’s ditched the garbage can remember. Could you just imagine what he’ll say – ‘ I, Oscar The Grouch, host for The Oscars indefinitely (the audience begin squirming in their seats), would like to introduce you to the 57th Oscars (I haven't been counting). And I must say, I look damn hot and sexy as host for tonight, so if any of you movie producers and directors want a leading man, with no tin (garbage can), here’s Oscar’.
But Oscar The Grouch has some stiff competition, not only from the crowd out there at the awards, but The Oscars trophy; yes Oscar himself – a tall, lean and.....golden colour lad, who could probably get any lassie he wanted. Then again, he is golden, but then again, Oscar The Grouch is green. One has had the midas touch or watched too much Goldeneye and James Bond 007. The other, yes, Oscar The Grouch, got mixed up with martians from outer space, grew up in a fruit and vegetable patch in someone’s backyard, or lived in that garbage can all his life and turned a mouldy colour.
But Oscar and golden boy Oscar have more competitors with other famous Oscars, like Sylvestor Stallone in the movie Oscar, the champion disabled runner Oscar Pistorious, champion boxerand writer Oscar Wilde. And I think the two Oscars would be going wild right about now with all this commotion. What is this, Oscar-mania.
With Oscar The Grouch as host, we should have some awards originating from Oscar himself; ok not directly, but inspired. Awards like ‘Best and Worst Dressed at The Oscars’, ‘Who looks great in a garbage can’, ‘Who looks great green’ and ‘Who can do a better job than Oscar The Grouch’ (which is pretty much everybody).
Wait a minute, this is about The Oscars and similar award ceremonies, so let’s get back to the task at hand. If you get an Oscar, best of luck, and if not, you got dressed for nothing, the party is over pal (Bruce Willis, Die Hard movie) and better luck next year. And say hello to your indefinite host, Oscar The Grouch, and a real life version of The Oscars golden boy, yes like The Oscars trophy, while your there.