Women's Sexuality Is Rarely Explicit - Neither Is Their Experience of Orgasm
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Women's Sexuality Is Rarely Explicit - Neither Is Their Experience of Orgasm

Windsor Eton : United Kingdom | Feb 10, 2013 at 4:38 AM PST
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My work builds on the findings of Alfred Kinsey (1953) and ShereHite (1976). Hite noted that women are often unsure whether sex involves orgasm or just arousal.

Kinsey found that orgasm occurred most easily through masturbation (95% success within an average of 4 minutes) but only 20% of his sample masturbated regularly. Around 36-44% described sex as orgasmic sometimes. Orgasm during sex was less reliable (only 70-77% of the time) and it took 10-20 minutes or longer to achieve.

Surveys are subject to a massive 'iceberg effect' with the vast majority of women (say 99%) remaining silent. Women talk confidently about orgasm because EITHER they can masturbate OR they enjoy the sexual ego of claiming orgasmic sex. More reliable conclusions can be drawn from what women do rather than what they say.

Most women rarely talk about orgasm explicitly. It is simply assumed to be a part of a loving relationship and so many have no concept of how masturbation might work. They expect sexual activity to have an emotional or social context. This is confusing the sensations of romantic passion with enjoying your own arousal and orgasm.

Men's desire to stimulate a woman to orgasm through thrusting, makes it difficult for them to be objective about women's innate orgasmic abilities. Few sources acknowledge that many women openly admit they never orgasm during sex. Women themselves are silenced by the implication that there is 'something wrong with them'.

Everyone thinks that research from the 1950s is irrelevant and that women orgasm today because they are better informed or more liberated. But what are these facts that transform sex from totally non-orgasmic to orgasmic every time? No one can even agree on whether orgasm arises from stimulating the clitoris or the vagina.

Men take to sex like ducks take to water! No man ever needs to ask how to achieve his orgasm. Yet women and their partners ask about female orgasm all the time.

The idea that women need information and a competent lover to enjoy orgasm contradicts the idea that female orgasm happens 'naturally' during sex. If it was natural then you wouldn't need a sex manual to understand how to achieve it. A woman does not approach sex with a strong drive to orgasm. Otherwise, rather than rely on a lover, she would know instinctively which body part needs to be stimulated.

Women do not approach sex already aroused, yet experts will suggest that clitoral stimulation by itself guarantees orgasm as if women respond sexually as men do. The bravado of denying the everyday realities of sex effectively intimidates others and means that ill-informed advice is allowed to prevail no matter how ineffective it is.

Human life would end if it depended on women's single-minded focus on clitoral stimulation during sex. If women were satisfied as easily through clitoral stimulation as men are through penile stimulation no one would ever ask about female orgasm.

By Jane Thomas founder of WaysWomenOrgasm.

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Female orgasm is rarely explicit
Women's Sexuality Is Rarely Explicit - Neither Is Their Experience of Orgasm
Jane Thomas is based in London, England, United Kingdom, and is an Anchor on Allvoices.
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