Chinook the Ferret, a sable ferret, and not just any ferret, he was my best friend on 4 legs who lived a wonderful life filled with love, He left us this year on February 22, 2012 and joined God's other creatures onto the Rainbow Bridge.
What's my point of this article? Still grieving over an animal, Still? Get a life! Get therapy! Get a new ferret for God's sake and shut up. I am sure this is what my family and friends are thinking and I am sure anyone who is taking the time to read this article is thinking the same. It is not that easy.
Chinook was such a wonderful pet companion to me, his passing is really heart breaking. My next stage of moving on has approached me. My other half is telling me all of Chinook's toys, his bedding, his blankets, and other items have to go. The closet stinks, I am being told. Ferrets have a unique musk smell that some cannot stand while others do not think anything of it. It is like living with smokers, you just get used to the smell.
So, now I pick up his toy balls, his rattle toys and this long tunnel I call his "tunnel of fun" that makes crinkle sounds like stepping on crushed newspaper and Chinook used to slide in this tunnel and do the ferret war dance. I used to tilt the toy so he would slowly slide downwards. He loved this.
There is also Chinook's giant Christmas stocking that he would climb into and sleep inside that was his toy all year round. I have to give it all away to someone or throw it out. We are not getting any more ferrets for obvious reasons. I am not handling Chinook's death well or the passing of his pal Nikomi that was supposed to be his life mate but died only being with us for a year and a half which sent me on a depressing rut, which made me spend more time with Chinook because he was oblivious depressed with his passing. I supposed that is why I became more attached to Chinook; I became his companion as well.
Chinook would respond to his name, he would come running to me, nudge me to rub his belly, lick my nose, and come out of his hiding spots when called for. So many wonderful memories, I would like to share with you dear reader but that is not the point of this article.
I have to let go. When Chinook's life ended so did mine but the only one that knows this is me. I need to move onward, forward but I am having a hard time.
I am furious I have to get rid of Chinook's stuff. I am mad and I have fought over this. Does the closet stink? I supposed it does but it is Chinook's smell and if I get rid of it then all essence that he was once was will be gone forever. Chinook was like a son to be, he was like a child, and I know this repulses some but the feelings I have are still there.
For the sake of my relationship, I went into the closet today with a box and placed a few of Chinook's stuff in the box knowing it was heading for the trash and cried. I cannot do it, not today so his stuff went back on the closet shelf. I am not ready for this not now and why I am being forced to do this? I have to say goodbye but saying goodbye makes me feel like I am also saying I do not love him. Laughing or having a good day makes feel guilty as I silently cry in my head towards the heavens, "I did not forget you my Chinook, my beloved pet!" The hardest part of my healing process is dealing with my neighbor, a Ned Flanders type that says animals do not have souls and therefore do not go to Heaven so I will never ever see my beloved Chinook again.
How is that comforting? How can I let go? How can I let go of his things?
Saying goodbye, not today but I will try again next week but not today.