It's the dishonesty, stupid!
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It's the dishonesty, stupid!

Washington : DC : USA | Sep 19, 2012 at 10:58 PM PDT
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Mitt Romney

Mitt is totally independent. He was born himself; nursed himself, and never inherited a thing. Not even his genes. Maybe his jeans, that's all. He actually built himself; out of ear wax and army surplus digital parts. Special features built in include a tin ear and a retractable wooden nose. Only thing missing is a heart, and a clear connection from his tongue to his brain. But hey, he's self made, he really did build that, so he's better than all the rest.

Romney is good at numbers, but not at people things. Sometimes he is confused - “people are corporations too!” for example. Its okay though, Mitt's been successful as a corporate raider. So many corporations, so many people too, have been raided. So to Mitt it seems people and corporations are all the same. If you don't need them, drain their valuables and then, well; then throw them out! Let them go bankrupt or better yet, both! Show them who is successful!

Mitt is also not too good at saying what he is supposed to say; not at first. No internal processor at his core telling him when he gets out of bounds. And no core. After he's said the wrong thing a few times, and he gets some vociferous, helpful feedback, he learns what to say though. Even if he still doesn't quite say what he should, he stops saying what he shouldn't.

Fortunately, his strength is in giving No Apologies. Not one! Never! Even if he is wrong; especially if he is wrong. Mitt knows only how to double down. Its like a game to him. If you apologize, you lose. If you double down you're even and if you triple down, you win. Fortunately, Mitt wouldn't know an apology if it punched him in the nose. Umh.., well, I guess that's not actually good, but its manly and tough. Unfortunately right now though, it is causing his campaign to fall down.

Mitt says his campaign is now about 100% of Americans; not exclusive of that 47% mentioned in that now infamous comment; or rather in that long winded rant; which went on giving chapter and verse on dependency. Now that he has made the 100% of Americans clear, simply by saying it, we can be sure that it is true! It does not matter that it is 100% opposite to what he so passionately said before to his peers.

Yes Mitt's campaign is about everyone: the good, the bad and the ugly! Even you! Maybe Barack too; if he would just provide his college transcript. Mitt's campaign now officially includes everyone retroactively to the beginning of time; at least as far as the creation, but not the Big Bang. Just to make you feel how honest and sincere is this change for you going back its now permanent, although going forward......

It is certain that Mitt, as President will formulate manifestly appropriate provisions for the bad 47% along with the good guys like him in the 1%. And his policies will reflect his real thinking. Or whatever thinking he ends up with after a few false starts stating what he really thinks. Although at that point, as President, Mitt can stick more to what he really believes, if we only knew what it was.....

Seriously though, its okay! Mitt is just a misunderstood comedian. This has all been a joke; we have been “pranked”. Its all in fun, its just a hair cut. Ann has told us before he is a bit of a prankster and likes to have fun with people. He really does intend to look after 100% of Americans. Maybe some just a little bit differently from others. But every single one. Especially you.

You can trust Mitt! Ann has told us that too! And besides, he's been open and shared everything with us; even two years of his “low tax” returns..... Mitt is so happy they were not zero tax years, or he'd be in the 47% too; and deriding himself. That wouldn't be funny; being lumped in with those um, low life people. And he paid in a bit more than he needed this year, so he doesn't seem so low.

So don't worry; be happy. Vote Mitt! He will be a sensational President. He Believes in 53% of America. No one it seems has even pointed out the best sign of his great qualifications! He is W. Mitt Romney. Another W.! Not just in substance but in name too!

So he is a sure fire President. A safe bet indeed! It seems he will:

  1. inflame the Middle East; he's already got the embers going, just look at his foreign tour, and his NeoCon advisory board; the best policy is no apology, let them eat cake;

  2. dismantle America's safety net; who needs the meek and the weak? Let them inherit nothing too, and why not accelerate their decline (Mitt says let's keep that our little secret; just like the rest of his tax returns, until say November 8th or perhaps 9th. No telling now ya hear?); and

  3. speed up the redistribution of all wealth to the rightful 1%.

Indeed on this last point, as President, Mitt will light a bonfire of opportunity for... well... for the 1%! Starting with himself and his family, and all of his friends. He has plans to put much of it in his blind trust where it can't be seen.

The best part is the trickle down to you, in the 52%, or is it the 99%; whatever. Well, at least the part of the trickle that doesn't evaporate in the heat of the 1%'s success.....

And of course, after the 100% campaign, Pres. Romney will be true to his word; which ever one it is that he then decides he really meant. No risk for you there though..... we do know what he means. Right?

What does Mitt really believe? It seems that he is in the Wonderland that Paul Ryan built on fictional works of Ayn Rand, along with Alice and Mad Dirty Harry. Will Americans see the real truth and leave Mitt there?

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There You Grow Again!
Cartoon: At the Debates. Romney: I think Obama will probably lie. Sketch by Paul Stewart II.
paulstewartII is based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and is a Stringer on Allvoices.
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