The Lindsay Lohan of American Politics

I have to admit that for a while I was worried. The worry slowly, very slowly, gave way to “cautious optimism”. And then, just the other day, the “cautious” left the stage of my id, and now I’m actually optimistic. Not much has changed but the overall collective attitude. People aren’t any smarter, the economy isn’t much better, my job still sucks and I’m not overly confident that my year-old dog is thoroughly housetrained.

But Mitt is definitely a contender for the coveted Sarah Palin Award.

The guy screws up, and then he just plain ol’ fucks up. I apologize for the crudity, but I am talking about Mitt, after all.

• "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. ... My job is is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

His response to his self was thoughtful (for him), and provides another smile for the devil.

• "But I do believe that we should have enough jobs and enough take-home pay such that people have the privilege of higher incomes that allow them to be paying taxes. I think people would like to be paying taxes."

Bad news, Mitt: People don’t like paying taxes, not even knee-jerk, bleeding-heart, ACLU card-carrying liberals such as myself. The best thing I can say about taxes –any­ tax- is that they are a necessary evil. But when I first heard the last line of the above quote I damn near giggled, thinking of Grover Norquist. Take that, you pissy little putz! The leader of your party, the boss, the CEO, said out loud, “I think people would like to be paying taxes."

Whee!

The fly in my ointment of delight is the cynical reality that there are a whole bunch of people out there, who vote, that think this guy is the solution for what ails them. But hey, as the president himself said in reference to Mitt’s latest idiocy, people make mistakes. He once said that rural voters “get bitter” and “they cling to their guns or religion.” And then apologized. He didn’t try and massage it with nuance, he apologized. The president did not try and rationalize. And whereas Mitt is at best “inelegant”, Barack Obama is at the least articulate, eloquent, and is not just aware of the concept of context but also the consequences of out of context.

Which leads me to the epiphany that Mitt is, wholly, completely and unescapably out of context. Susan, the woman to whom I am a husband of, refers to Mitt as “tone deaf”.

• “Corporations are people, my friends.”

-or, as Bill Moyers said, “I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one”

• "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed."

-and what’s your net worth, Mitt? And how many did you unemploy to get that?

• "[My wife] drives a couple of Cadillacs."

-good thing you didn’t get your way with the American auto industry, otherwise the poor dear would have had to make due with a pair of Lexus.

• "I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love."

-George W. Bush couldn't have said it better himself

• "I love this state. The trees are the right height."

-we don’t need a president, we have one -- but this guy could be the arborist-in-chief

• "It's hard to know just how well [the 2012 London Olympics] will turn out. There are a few things that were disconcerting. The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials, that obviously is not something which is encouraging."

-Mitt! You’re in London! Save this for your trip to Paris!