I just realized that I have never been loved in my whole life. Is that hard?
It's harder to say is or not because all I know about what I missed is based on some novels, movies and some observations. The question is what I really missed? and why?
Answering to first one seems easy, everybody firs of all will come with some fancy ideas like you can find in old romantic or sentimental books. Truth is we don't live in those books and barley something happens that you can consider it to compare with thoes (I don't say never happened at all).
All those warm emotions of joy and gratitude toward someone that everybody talks about them are so far from my mind because I never have experienced those and I don't believe all these people- that do long speeches about what are does and if you don't gain you'll be such a loser- have any idea what those truly are.
All people have is imagination of something that supposed to be existed (I don't say doesn't exist). I am just trying to say if theses are what should really happen between two people most people are on the wrong stage. They play wrong role on wrong text. And is funny that others who give advice to these people are in the wrong story too.
Nobody never asked him/her self that "maybe the result of being loved shouldn't be like this" or "this that happened to me is not love at all, let's find out what the love is" or maybe " I am ok with what I gained, is not love but I like it".
What is the point?
the point is if you don't call horse cat then you'll be happy to enjoy having a horse, but if you do you never will understand what you have got and instead of using horse on the way that supposed to be, you will feed it with fish or meat and you will never ride your horse, you'll miss it.
Anyway seems there is no way that I can understand what I missed no question is why?
Answer is exactly between all those things I wrote above. Problem is when people don't know what the cat is then believe anything they give you is a cat. They give you a table and are certain it is a cat and etc. And they are certain that they gave you best ever but you where the person who denied to accept and "you don't deserve to be loved"
How many times I've heard this sentence? billions of times.
Am I a bad person?
Am I a jerk?
Am I an idiot?
I can tell you not at all. I care about the person who I am with more than I should.
So what the problem is?
The problem is you can't drive a phone like a car. What all my girlfriends brought in my life wasn't love, not even close. But they were keep telling me how much they love me but I could't see that love anywhere in our relationship. Is not really easy to look for something that doesn't exist.
I am not saying they lied, maybe some of them but not all, what I am saying is they had no idea what they bring to the relationship. They were wrong about fundamental of love and basic defination of it. So they keep saying stories of what I've done to them and how jerk I am.
Just look around, all of you has same story. about anything, any memory you have from somebody or somebody has of you. Look at all these mewling that people do normally about love and etc. Those are the result of trying to ride table instead of horse.