Mass arming of children spreads across US (Satire)

Mass arming of children spreads across US (Satire)

Washington : DC : USA | Jul 22, 2012 at 7:51 PM PDT
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Pocket pistols

U.S. citizens are responding to the recent massacre in Aurora, Colorado, where a gunman opened fire at a movie theater during the premiere of “The Dark Knight Rises” killing 12 and injuring 58, by mass arming. The wave of arming is increasing by the hour, and millions of Americans are expected to purchase new guns within the upcoming weeks.

As the father of three from a small city in Texas, Cut and Shoot, told us: “The only way I see it is to get ready for all those crackheads threatening our lives. I don't need no gun control. I need a gun to get them before they get me.”

U.S. is already the most armed country, with approximately 90 guns per 100 citizens, and, over the next weeks, guns are about to outnumber people.

However, the most troubling development is that parents are buying guns for their kids.

An owner of a gun shop in Little Heaven, Delaware, told us he’d sold the whole stock of small compact pistols over the weekend. “I’ve been in this business for a very long time and saw a lot but last couple of days were the weirdest of my life. Parents were buying pocket pistols for their kids. I saw a girl of around 10 testing Bersa while her twin sister seemed to like Ruger. There wasn’t anything I could’ve done. I couldn’t stop their father from buying these guns. I couldn’t stop any of the parents.”

Bersa Thunder and Ruger LCP are one of the pocket .380 pistols - very light and easily conceivable weapons. Also, they often come in different fashionable colors, which, naturally, is a winning feature among young customers.

“I’m selling guns by color and being asked for custom painting,” another owner of a gun shop in Slaughterville, Oklahoma, told us. “ But I don’t care how creepy it is. The business is booming.”

Indeed, although U.S. economy has withered over the last years, the business of selling guns has always been in a good shape. About 4.5 million of the 8 million new guns manufactured worldwide each year are purchased in the U.S. And it seems it’ll drastically increase this year, especially in the class of pocket pistols bought for kids by their parents.

“My daughter and sons aren’t safe. Not at school, not at shopping malls, not in movie theaters. I don’t care if it’s wrong to give a gun to a 12- or 15-year old. I have the right to protect my kids and equip them so they’re able to defend themselves,” a mother of three from Looneyville, Minnesota, told us.

A father from Why, Arizona told us: “I want my teenage daughter to be allowed to carry a gun to school. Yes, she’s a typical teenager. Tempered and a bit wild. Teachers may not be too happy about it, but I don’t care. If anything, that’ll force them to be a bit more respectful. And I may limit amount of bullets to keep it under control. Two or three at a time? I guess that’d be enough to act when some loony threatens my daughter but not enough to hurt too many people when she gets angry.”

We talked to a number of people around the country and most of them think that, despite 85 fatal shootings a day, availability and deadly attachment to firearms in the U.S. aren’t a problem.

“All I care about is that my sons aren’t among those killed in a shooting. What’s better way than to be armed and ready yourself?” a mother of four from Lost Nation, Iowa said. “If some nutter can get guns, I have the right to get more.”

We called both Barack Obama and Mitt Romney to ask whether they plan to arm their children but we didn’t receive any responses. A source close to Mitt Romney told us that the whole family, when in public, already wears magical Mormon underwear, which, they believe, will protect them against bullets. For those who are seeking protection but are more practical than spiritual, anti-bullet vests and full body armors are becoming available on special offers around the country.

Neither Obama nor Romney is expected to address the current gun situation or discuss the 2nd amendment before the presidential campaign and election are over. Not only the right of people to keep and bear arms is a challenging topic that polarizes the country but also the U.S. gun lobby is very powerful. Obama and Romney are skilled performers politicians who know it would be a political suicide to address the topic at the moment. This troubling situation may be dealt with in November, after the election, depending on which money President will be chosen by U.S. voters.


This article is a satire. Although all mentioned cities do exist and all mentioned statistics on gun sales in the U.S. are sadly real, the rest is a product of nightmarish imagination.

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Armed Kid
Children and teenagers are being armed by their parents across the U.S.
Bea_Shaylee_Sayers is based in San Francisco, California, United States of America, and is an Anchor on Allvoices.
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  • 	Children and teenagers are being armed by their parents across the U.S.

    Armed Kid

  • 	Small pocket pistols are popular choice among parents buying guns for their kids.

    Pocket pistols

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