Liberty has fallen and Republicans now rule the nation. We are no longer a nation of freedom and choice, but instead we are a nation following solely conservative leadership. During this time of change it is important for young people to receive advice on how to survive in this new nation we now see evolving. This advice is intended for heterosexual, single women under 30 years of age, but applies to any other woman in the U.S. if you look closely. Homosexuals, bisexuals and transsexuals will burn in hell, so we might as well not offer advice to them.
As a young woman you will experience physical desires. When you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex your body will stir. If you get close to them you will feel excitement. You may feel the urge to touch them in some way. That may include holding hands, hugging or even kissing. These instincts are natural. Do not be afraid of them. Sexuality is one of the things that make us human. You need to be sure not to act on these feelings. Instead you will need to go to church and find a husband. He will take care of you and you will be just fine, dear.
Don’t be demonized by what you see in the news. Having sex does not make you a slut. Acting on those primal urges does not make you a bad person. But you need to realize that there is no method of you having control over your reproductive organs anymore. If you have sex, you cannot control the situation and be responsible because birth control has been outlawed. Men are still allowed access to condoms, so we need to trust them to be used and trust the fail-safe protection they offer. Some wise advisers have suggested an aspirin will cure what ails you. After all, if you put an aspirin between your knees it will prevent you from spreading your legs and fornicating. This, my dear, will prevent pregnancy. So please be sure to run out and buy a bottle of aspirin right away.
It is important to understand that if you become pregnant, the result of your actions becomes the most important thing to the powers that be. Your life is inconsequential, and we simply have to face that, dear. Although you will not be able to keep your job because you will be unable to do the same work you were doing before you were so careless, there are no options available to you. You cannot get an abortion because those have been outlawed as well. You will not be able to receive medical care because there are no social programs that offer medical care any longer. You will not be able to eat because food stamps are a thing of the past.
Don’t fret, dear, you will find a way to survive. You will be able to miraculously pull out of this situation unscathed. The leaders say it is so. After all, once that baby is born, even though you couldn’t eat and you didn’t see a doctor, there are families out there willing to adopt it. And we certainly hope this is true because there is no longer a foster care system to care for the child. But we have faith that it will all be fine, dear. You just have faith. If you go to the food pantries and churches, there will be people to help you. The fact that the food pantries are empty shouldn’t sway you. The churches are overflowing with the love and compassion our Lord and Savior has taught us to have.
Now don’t be upset when you put out your dirty hand begging for food and those people in their starched Sunday best walk past you without making eye contact. You can’t let that bring you down. Those are the people that said the government had to stop giving handouts and leave that in the hands of the people. They said that taxes were too high and we needed to let the rich keep their money so they would create jobs.
Those gated communities protected by dogs and armed security are nothing to fear. That is just their way of keeping out criminals and protecting themselves during this time of transition. They mean you no harm- they just can’t risk personal injury. It seems there may be many more hungry people out there trying to find a way to eat.
So as we move forward during this transitional period, I hope my advice has helped you better understand the new World. It is something to behold, isn’t it?
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