Fran Drescher, in her unmitigated wit, wisdom, and candor, gets to go on television and ridicule her former husband, Peter Marc Jacobs, who, after 18 years of marriage (in the real world) came out of the closet and announced he was gay.
"Where am I going to go?"
"You're gay, go to the Y. M. C. A.!" she retorts, using her hands plunging wildly into the air to gesture and spell it out just like The Village People from the 1978 hit single, YMCA. As much as I hate that show, that line was hilariously funny.
Considering that it was just about 20 years ago that the incomparable nasal twang of a woman was on television whining and crying her way into a marriage with a 'rich Broadway stage producer' by the name of Maxwell Sheffield (played by Drescher's co-star Charles Shaughnessy), it seems a strange cyclical act of bad karma that the same actress is back on television, these many years later, again whining about not having a man in her life. Maybe she needs to take a hint from black women: Stay single, my friend.
My former daughter in law, whom I still love dearly as the mother of two of my seven -eight?- grandchildren, posted on her Facebook page today ... "Two-thirds of the filers of divorce are women." Wonder why, especially when more than 60-percent of African American, or "black" marriages, end in divorce. It's easy enough for someone to pull out the ABW ('angry black woman') Card and blame black women, but considering the number of black men out here who are not men-men, let alone responsible enough to take responsibility for their own actions, there is a lot to be angry about.
As a woman of color who also found out my ex-whatever was "gay," (whatever that is), I find it sad and yet exhilaratingly funny that Fran Drescher gets to mock her ex-whatever on television and get paid for it. Most of us aren't so lucky.
I discovered, in my wanderings out here trying to work all of this out in my mind, that there aren't any support groups, not even a CODA, out here for women whose husbands are/were on the DL. One counselor said it should be treated "like PTSD," but is it really?
I don't see the similarities, because the shock and hurt and pain and sadness of being deceived by someone who would lie to marry someone else as a cover for his sexual misgivings isn't covered in the DSM III, IV or V definitions. That leaves a lot of women out here wandering around wondering if they should "be more like a Fran Drescher type" and just take it like a joke. But it's not funny. At all.
1) Fran Drescher is rich, white, and famous. She can afford to have a laugh or two about something that leaves other women, especially if they have no support systems in place, for dead; and even opens them up to the possibility of the spread of various STDs and other diseases that are brought into the marriage bed from outside the realm of what is supposed to be marital sanctity.
2) It is not a joke. There are many support systems out here for gays, but nothing for the ex-wives that they leave in their emotional wake. "He couldn't help it," and "He probably didn't know it himself" is simply not an excuse.
Anyone who isn't sure of his own sexuality most assuredly knows it before he goes off trying to pull a heist on a woman while pretending to be the man he is not, and he should be held equally as accountable for his actions as the women who "should have seen it coming."
Like Fran Drescher, I asked my friends who attended the wedding, "Why didn't you say something?"
Her television parents answered "We thought you knew."
My real life friends answered "You were so blindly in love with him that we wouldn't be friends today if we had said something, because you wouldn't have believed it, and would have gotten mad at us."
How dumb was that, that everyone knew it except me, and no one said a friggin' word. Then again, I'm not altogether certain that I could have told a friend of mine a suspicion like that, especially if she was "so blindly in love" that she missed it herself. The emotions of the moment would have been running quite high.
But what was even more frightening is that NO ONE, not one of them, was shocked when I mentioned it to them; not even in my own anger, hurt, shock, shame, and seething with anger as any human being should be allowed to when she is viciously assaulted and abused and abandoned like that. They just wondered why it took me so long to figure it out.
After all, they don't call the place that he lived in "Atlanta GA-y" for no reason. It is, indeed, "little San Francisco."
Terry McMillan's Divorce: Didn't Think Her Ex-***'s Disclosure was Anything to Laugh About
Permission to Exhale. And breathe; again.