Las Vegas—GOP Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney suffered a broken collarbone today after taking a turn with a raging bull at the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nevada. The accident was precipitated by an off-the-cuff remark made by Romney after he addressed a small but unenthusiastic crowd of formersupporters.
“Pardners,” he said, “That scallywagdone had his chance to rein in Wall Street and he failed something miserable. Me, on the other hand, why I’ll tame Wall Street just as easily as I could tame that old bull over yonder.”
Turns out that bull over yonder was none other than Bushkill, a 2,800-pound sirloin catapult that once threw All-Around World Rodeo Champion Trevor Brazile so high in the air that when he finally came down he had an eagle tail feather jammed up his nose. Perry supporters couldn’t wait to see Romney try his luck. And they applauded wildly when Bushkill did a number on the former Massachusetts governor, launching him clear across the ring.
“Scariest thing I ever saw,” said a visibly shaken Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom. “It was lucky for Mitt that was on hand in his rodeo clown costume to distract Bushkill from doing more serious damage. I never knew the guy could run so fast.”
Trump was uncharacteristically modest. “It’s all about being in the right place at the right time in the right suit,” he said with a thoughtful pout. “Ivana always said I wasted my money on that clown suit. But let me tell you, it’s good for a lot more things than annual stockholder meetings.” Trump suffered minor injuries, which did not require hospitalization.
Romney, on the other hand, had to be taken to the emergency room of the Sunrise Hospital & Medical Center, where he is resting comfortably in a private suite in thewing, which is normally reserved for gambling-related injuries. Slipping in and out of consciousness, he reportedly keeps mumbling, “Thank God for Romneycare.”
As for those Perry supporters who got to witness Romney’s rodeo debacle, the mood was upbeat. While none would say whether or not the daring stunt earned their support in November, a ruddy complexioned mountain of a man in a 10-gallon hat had this say: “Being a straight-talking guy and all, I can’t tell you how pleased I was seein’ a bullshitter get thrown by a bull for a change rather than the other way around.”
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