MY HUSBAND WON’T GET A JOB!
I am always astonished to see men who are overtaken with laziness and won’t get a job, no matter what. I understand being trained for a specialized type of work and not being able to find a job in your chosen field because it is rare, but we are talking about unskilled deadbeats, who have no formal training in anything except running their mouths. It seems that many of these loser A-Holes are good at running their mouths, but get very little done, if anything, but certainly never anything positive or productive, because it’s always about them.
I recently received a story about an Alabama man named Thomas Hendricks, who has managed to milk every woman her has ever been with, for everything that she is worth and not only financially, but spiritually is an energy vampire and loves to steal and manipulate others. What can be done about a man who doesn’t think highly of himself and so much so, that it keeps him from ever finding a job and supporting his family like a “real man” and that to me is very sad…
by Allison Justice
Read other stories by women who are currently experiencing the same phenomenon.
My husband has always held several part-time jobs and a full time job. He lost his full-time job 18 months ago, and all he had was the part time jobs. He was "down on his luck" and would complain every time I'd suggest he go get a full-time job to help out. I was the only one working basically. We lost our apartment, and most of our furniture with it! In March of this past year, I lost my job (full time), and that made things even worse. In late August, hubby got his full-time job back, but not motivation or anything else. Thankfully, I've been able to "tap into" a hobby to make some money while taking the occasional odd job or two SO WE CAN SURVIVE. I've told him a few times to "try and get a better job", but to no avail. He is also angry and takes it out on me from time to time. I've given up. – Kelly
I meet my partner when he was going through his divorce. He was out of work which normally would be unacceptable to me; however I made the excuses to myself that he was going through a 'troubled' patch and would sort himself out. 6 and half years later, he STILL doesn't work.
His parents gave him a house, which he rents out, the money, is used for his children's maintenance and for food for us. His car breaks down; his parents buy him a new car. I wish someone would buy me a car! Strange that I have to pay for mine - like most people.
I pay for everything else, the house, the bills, etc. We don't go out as I refuse to have to pay for him. I have had a couple of holidays on my own because I don't want to pay for him. Several years ago, I actually searched for a job for him and found him one - which he did for 6 months. Several years ago I went on and on about further education and charity work to get stuff on his CV, then abruptly gave up when I decided that I was wasting my time as he had no intention of improving his skills - I wasn't going to waste my energy on a black hole. I lost respect.
Mind you, he walks the dogs twice a day. Cooks all the meals, though could be a bit more inventive, does all the washing and cleaning (though the quality could do with improvement). He picks up his children from school and looks after them until their mum can get home from home. As his mother says he has a full time job with all these activities, everything’s paid for so there is no incentive for him to work. He sleeps on the couch at home, sex life is nonexistent a I am not interested, and I still can't work out why I feel guilty about the fact that this is just crap and just can't make the move to ask him to leave. The reason? Fear of loneliness and not having a dog walker! - Loretta
Dump the lazy, repulsive piece of human waste! Afraid to divorce? Contemplate the alternative......a non-life with no meaning or hope. THAT is truly a living hell. Time to let him go on his own. Water seeks its own level and he will only take you down with him. - Amy
I supported our family of 3 while my husband attended law school. I placed my support of him ahead of my own desires to further my education. We now have 3 kids. In the 12 years he's been a licensed attorney he's earned a steady paycheck for 2 years. The rest of the years have been feast or famine. Basically, when he settles a good case (few and far between) we have money. I have worked full time for the 17 years we've been married except for a year and a half after having a child with health problems. That was following the year he settled a particularly good case. But by no means enough to make us wealthy. During that period of supporting me he told me he was losing his mind and I had to go back to work, which I gladly did. I almost got fired from my first gig after that for having a sickly child and I was always the one who took off for his illness/doctor visits.
He had a nice offer from a firm which he kept for 2 years but left b/c of his ego. He wanted to be treated like a partner and didn't want to pay his dues in sweat. Now, he's a solo practitioner, has some contract work which 'helps' with the bills but sporadically. We have 3 kids in school. Since my return to the work force I have bettered my situation with each job change. I have since doubled my $40K salary I had when I went back. The problem is with each improvement for me, he gets more relaxed. It's like pulling teeth for him to take on more home responsibility. He constantly complains. He's paying $500/month rent on an office space when he doesn't have the caseload to justify it. He pays an assistant part-time for what, I don't know. I think that money could be coming home.
Each month we cut back on some expense to survive. He needed a vehicle recently (after losing his and driving mine for a year) but was not satisfied with a 2005 or 2006. He bought a 2009! Only because he had a hefty down payment in his pocket (from settling a case at the time). Now we're struggling with the note. Most of our major bills are in my name (including home, my car, his truck) and I feel like I'm drowning. I have a chance for another promotion and more money but know my family can't enjoy it. We don't vacation or improve our home. My check runs out 3 days after I get it due to expenses. When he does 'give me money' he makes a big deal of it. I've tried to get him involved with our finances to show him how expensive it is to run a home of five people, but he refuses. Yet, he loves the good life. Golf, wine, restaurants, etc.
I want to leave but don't want to traumatize my kids. I know I can make it financially with a few minor adjustments since his help is sporadic anyway. When I talk to him about it, his reaction is angry. He says I'm impatient and he always has some scheme in the works that just never seems to materialize! I don't know what to do! Help! - Karen
My boyfriend won't get a job I don’t know why he keeps saying when I finish buying the car then after that it when I finish my hobby then it goes on and on. What can I do? He keeps say that I’m lazy and I should get a job he has not worked for 3 year and it doesn’t look like he is going to ever get a job. What should I do? Please help! - Rhonda
I have been married to the man that "he said he wanted to be" and it gets more and more difficult to stay in it for my kids. I am the main bread winner but was asked to sign a prenuptial the day before our wedding. It took 7 years to get him to tear is up after we had to refinance and they needed my salary. My dad liked my husband, said he was a good man but thought he was just scared - my mom had passed away the year before I met him or she would never have allowed me to marry. I was 32 and he was 37 and had we had never been married before. He said that he wanted to see the business he owned and get a 9-5 job since he had a degree from MSU but after he finally did sell the business, he is just now employed driving a bus part time. He does no house work, no bill paying, no shopping, and no cooking and is constantly reminding me of how little money we have and to watch "our" spending. My birth control has been faulty and I've asked him to get a vasectomy. He cancelled twice and we haven't been intimate for 2 years. He is outwardly affectionate, gets me a cup of coffee on Sunday mornings and everyone tells me how sweet he is. Our boys love him but he misses most of their games and does very little with them. I love him but have lost respect for him. I am 48 and see everyday what divorce does to children so I have been hanging in there. Please do not hesitate to break up with someone if you see red lights before you get married and have children. If it were not for our wonderful boys, I would be long gone. I am so stressed and at a time when I should be finishing plans for my golden years, I worry if we will make our mortgage. We've been to three counselors and talked to our pastor but I am frozen to make the move I should make. He doesn't beat me, drink too much or cheat on me but this lack of income and reluctance to do his share feels almost as bad. If I had seen the signs, I would never have married him but I feel like I was lied to and bought it hook, line, and sinker. Feel good about your decision to leave this guy because it takes more than love to make a marriage work - it takes trust and partnership. - Barbara
I am so grateful I read all of your stories. I'm sorry you are all going through this but this reaffirmed that I left my boyfriend of two and a half years for the right reason. He probably worked a total of 7 months while we were together. I consider myself a strong person, but looking back, I made a lot of excuses for him..."it's not his fault, there's no work out there..." "He's a carpenter...his work is seasonal...” "He threw his back out...” etc. etc.
What it comes down to is HE IS LAZY!!! I had to go on Craigslist and send out his resume because I was so desperate for him to work.
One morning he slept through his alarm and I tried (for the 100th time) to get him out of bed. He told me he wasn't going to work because "his neck hurt"!! Are you kidding me?!! I was sick that whole week and I still got myself to work every day. BECAUSE WE ARE ADULTS AND THINGS NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF. That morning I turned to him and said, "You are NEVER going to change, and I'm stupid for waiting around for that to happen.", and that was that.
I am heartbroken. I miss him so much because he was great in so many aspects. He knew how stressed I was over his lack of work. He saw me pick up the slack and work overtime and I was exhausted and sick a lot because of it. He saw me cry over financial hardships. But the reality was he didn't love me enough to do anything about it and work hard to change. We've been broken up now 6 months and I hear he still doesn't have a job.
I had myself a good cry tonight because he was a very loving, affectionate and sexy man. And I love him. So I looked up this website and I realize I did the right thing. There's that stupid part of me still that hopes someday he'll change, but his patterns have shown that he won't, at least not with me. It's hard, but I am doing better and more than anything, I want to be with a man that I respect. And I know a lot who are out there. My friends are married to them. My brother is a great man, my father is a great man and so are most of my male friends. - Ellen
If he is a deadbeat and the wife depends on the paycheck for bills and food. Then yes, I would make him get any job I would leave if he refused, this is something you should know before you get married though!
Well, well, well… Light bulb moment! I thought it was just me. HA! I have been married for six years. My husband "worked" construction. I had been a dancer when I met him, but starting working a crappy factory job when we first got married and had our first girl. But I got so tired of him leaving various jobs for stupid reasons, and not being able to rely on him for anything, that I told him to become a stay at home dad and start taking care of the house/kids and I will go back to dancing because it is great money. He agreed. Remember I said he agreed. All is great in the beginning. I have finally found a reason to tell family and friends why he is jobless. Why, he is not jobless! He is a stay at home dad and that is hard work. Any woman out there who has done it knows it is. Now, it has been 4 years, he does NOT do anything in the house but dishes. I work, clean, cook, shop, volunteer at the girls school, train my horse, go to gym, my freaking days are FULLLLLL. I tell him I want out of dancing. OUT! I am burned out. I cannot afford to stop dancing and get back into another less paying job unless he goes back to work.... He won’t. And now he doesn’t do his half of this deal. Remember, stay at home dad? Cook clean play with kids? No, He sits on his fat ass all day long and bitches when I ask for anything to be done. Now, I have spoiled this man rotten with guitars, motorcycles, tattoos, clothing vacations, etc, etc... So this is NOT a case of me making the $$ and keeping it all to myself, in fact, that’s quite the opposite. I just feel like I have been resigned to spend the rest of my life with someone who is lifeless. If this is my karma, then what the heck did I do that was so rotten? Sorry for ranting.... – Carrie aka “The Big Fat Idiot”
I got with my boyfriend back in November 2007 because I was dating a man who had a job and a vehicle but didn't want to be in a relationship or move in with me. So I vowed when I found a man who wanted these things I would leave him. In my prayers for the perfect man, I must not have included employment. I met my current boyfriend through my friends and they told me he didn't do drugs (another plus). The tricky part was he was working under the table for some guy at the time and I didn't know he was on SSI.
LADIES, DON'T EVER GET WITH A MAN ON SSI IF HE LIED TO GET IT!!! HUGE mistake! Well, he was willing to move in with me and be in a relationship so I grabbed him. He got a job with my brother but only lasted a few months due to his "allergies." I do make him pay half of everything because I knew better than to play that game. So he does pay for half of everything and does all the house chores but is not looking for a job. Every time I bring it up I'm a gold digger or he is not Tom, Dick or Harry (I try to give him examples of men who do have jobs when he plays the there are no jobs out there card). I am at a total loss and by the way all the married women who have children with these guys are talking, it doesn't sound like he is going to change. He has tons of excuses, his ADHD, his parents were cruel to him, etc. but I am so sick and tired and have no respect for him either. I can choose to not allow it to bother me and just be grateful that he does have good qualities but it sounds like most of these men have good qualities or we wouldn't be with them. He does everything for me; I don't have to lift a finger 99% of the time. He cooks, cleans massages, doesn't hang out with friends, doesn't watch sports, and gives me non-stop attention. It's not about love and money; it's about mutual respect and being able to take care of EACHOTHER! A marriage is a two way street. I personally keep him because I don't want to hurt him the way he says he has been hurt in the past. I do have a heart, folks. I never want to be that ex-girlfriend but it's either that or be miserable with him. In the beginning I said I was with a man who had and probably still has a job but treated me like crap. Now I'm with a man who treats me like a queen but refuses to get a job, what should I do? - Dana
I think I have a story more amazing, almost two years ago. My husband is Egyptian and Muslim and I am also Muslim, I do not cover though. Anyway, he told me he was going on a conference in another state for work. I did not hear from him in 6 days, I decide to call his work; he had not answered his cell phone in 6 days. They tell me he is on vacation that he lied to me. This does not look good to his company. The credit card bill arrives. He is marrying a second wife in the Philippines, yikes. He met her in Dubai, spent a fortune, then flew to the Philippines and had a big wedding party, the works. 10,000 can you say very angry. Well he does not return to work from his so called vacation. I am furious now and I tell them my husband was marrying a second wife in the Philippines. In all this time I get one 5 second call and the line goes dead from the Philippines. Hi, how are you, how are the kids. We have two boys 4 and 5. I tell his company he has married a second wife, I have no idea why he is not at work. He had taken his three weeks allotted time in May already. He was just finishing plans to go to Belgium and work at the company over there a relocation deal. I had no idea; he had spent four months doing this. I realize he must have plotted to find a wife and start new life over there. God is good. He was fired, lost the job in Belgium. His new wife was a Muslim girl covering a pregnancy with a Hindu guy, as soon as she made the show of a marriage she wanted to divorce my husband. She found out when he came back to me in the states, I had found her email on his computer and we started writing. She despised him in such a short period; anyway they fought more than us. She was pregnant day 1, he wanted to use condoms, and he only knew this woman a week before marrying her. She cried she wanted a baby, the second day of marriage he relented. Long story short, they divorced. She basically ran away. He came home after a year with no job. He has been here 8 months, my kids love their dad and I now it seems like he can’t get a job again. His record is jumpy, one year working, one year off, etc. He has no reference from his last job; they told him when he came to return his computer. I can't believe you are stepping in this office you have some nerve, wow. - Gianni
My husband is playing solitaire on the computer, right now, as he has been doing for the past two months. He worked for two months, paid a little on our house as it was in foreclosure. He won't do the paperwork the bank has asked for, to "re-evaluate" the loan; he keeps saying "there are no jobs out there". Granted, he is a Contractor/construction, but there ARE jobs out there, just not the kind he wants at the moment. I work every day, and some Saturdays. We have a 14 yr old daughter. I want to use my Fed tax refund this coming February for a divorce, but not sure where my daughter and I will live. Can't do it all on my own. Daughter is a good b+ student, and I certainly don't want that to change, but I need to make changes, he is driving me crazy and bringing us down with him! He has not filed taxes for the last eight years, so I file 'married/separate' and am so afraid the feds will show up at our door and take away family antiques from MY side of the family because of him. The house is only in his name, as he is a male chauvinist, but since it will be in foreclosure again, that is a blessing. He is a stubborn Danish man, even his green card ran out and he did nothing. I use to take care of myself for several years when I was single, but now with a daughter, it's tough. I got on the food stamp program, to help so I can pay the heating and power bills, but now he does not want to do the paperwork saying he researching jobs, so we may lose the help with the food! How much of a lazy ASS can one be? Why does he not 'check out' of the family if he does not want to help? Oh yeah...I am working, do the laundry, clean the house and cook. He just sits. I like one idea, to just cut off the things like the cable, Internet. Hard on teen, but I think she will understand, maybe. (Yeah, sure!) What a great role model he is, for his daughter. And when he does get served w/divorce papers...I am not sure how he will react...but it does scare me somewhat. Divorce attorneys are expensive. Gasp. - Maris
I believe everyone who is not married to these men without jobs should definitely leave them. I am married to a man who told me when I was laid off from a great job this past February that he would "do whatever it takes" to make our family work, then he did NOTHING. I am having respect issues now. I love him, but I am finding it extremely hard to respect him. I have always made exponentially more money than him (he is a struggling artist), but now that I'm also struggling to get my first business launched, I feel that he should be pitching in by getting at least a part-time "straight" job so that we don't lose our house, car, etc. I'm so frustrated. - Kayla
So you see, it can be VERY ILLUMINATING seeing that it’s not just Thomas who is a lazy bum, but many men in America, who have no respect for themselves of their families or they would go out and get a job and I don’t care if it is something that they particularly want to do. Life isn’t ALWAYS about “what you want to do”. Sometimes life is about “doing what you have to do”, so don’t be fooled when some silver tongued devil comes along talking sweet and he hasn’t had a job in 4-years, think twice about hooking up with the total waste of skin!
I will be accepting more stories for future articles, so be sure and send them to me…
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