Santorum Presidential Campaign Backs Female Contraception
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Santorum Presidential Campaign Backs Female Contraception

Philadelphia : PA : USA | Apr 11, 2012 at 9:47 AM PDT
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Mel & Male Chastity Belts

In a stunning U-turn, which even a spokesperson for the Santorum presidential campaign confessed was Romney-like in magnitude, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum has now embraced a once popular form of female contraception. “As a devotee of medieval morality,” Santorum said, “I have come to the inescapable conclusion that a chastity belt is an acceptable—and, I might add, proven—method of birth control.”

Previously Santorum had famously professed that, “Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” Basically, this meant that all non-procreative sex was a no-no. “But let’s face it,” Santorum’s presidential campaign manager said. “Once you give a person of even marginal libido such a license, they’re going to use the darn thing.”

The chastity belt is just what the non-Planned Parenthood doctor ordered. Not only because it prevents a woman from getting a bun in her oven, but also because it closes the drawbridge on sexual intercourse altogether. Furthermore, while a booming black market for skeleton keys essentially made the chastity belt obsolete during its medieval launch, modern versions could take advantage of high tech security that is nearly unhackable.

Standing on the Capitol steps alongside a group of old men from the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops, an elated Santorum declared, “This is truly a liberating day for all women. In fact I can’t wait to have my wife and daughters fitted for their very own personalized chastity belts.”

Santorum went on to say that chastity belt manufacturing could result in 1 million new American jobs. “There’s no law,” he said, “that makes prosperity and chastity mutually exclusive. And when I’m elected president, I promise to do everything in my power to make this great Christian nation of ours the leading chastity belt manufacturer in the world.”

In more welcome news for the Santorum presidential campaign, the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops has called for chastity belt contraception to be covered under Obamacare. That is, until Republicans can repeal it.

© Daniel Bruce Brown, 2012

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Contraception method deemed acceptable by Santorum presidential campaign
Dan Brown is based in Westborough, Massachusetts, United States of America, and is an Anchor on Allvoices.
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    They were both Bishops of the Church. What kind of Mormon is that? When he had a chance to ..... Oldefarte| 4.5.12 @ 3:57PM. Naw, I'll leave that to the Rickster and his plans to mandate chastity belts for all females no doubt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reply
  • The War on Men

      www.articlesaboutmen.com
    Or as a New York Times columnist echoes her, insisting that good men protecting conscience rights are “cavemen,” and that “Republican men” are trying to “wrestle American women back into chastity belts” in an “insane bout of mass misogyny. ...

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