If you eat any of the food that is made by Paula Deen,
Then you have a higher probability of losing your spleen.
Only Epic Meal Time comes close to the amount of calories in her recipes,
Which explains why she was diagnosed with diabetes.
There's too much butter in everything, her food will cause for you to be in pain.
That's why she is disrespected all of the time by Anthony Bourdain.
Then, people are surprised that the n-word came out of her mouth.
Well, I'm not because she's a fat, Caucasian woman from the south.
Save your racial slurs for the next time you go to the next Tea Party rally.
On the bright side, at least she is not Mario Batale.
To be jarred back into reality, she probably needs to be accidentally be hit in the face again with another ham.
To have a better impact, make sure that it is glazed with yams.