Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies

Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies

Windsor Eton : United Kingdom | Jan 24, 2012 at 11:16 AM PST
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Real female orgasms involve the release of sexual emotions not romantic feel­ings. So it does not matter how much you love your partner, orgasm will not mater­i­alise out of thin air.

Orgasm requires at least a few naughty thoughts from time to time, so if your conscience is as clear as a nun’s then you can forget about ever having one.

“Few of us reach orgasm without fantasy, so let your imagin­a­tion go wild! … Don’t get hung up about your fantasy; it doesn’t mean you’re odd, gay or secretly want to be raped. Most women fantasise about things they wouldn’t dream of doing in real life – that’s why we call them fantasies.” (p13 Hot Sex 1998)

It turns out that women use sexual fantasies for sexual arousal and to generate a release of sexual emotions (orgasm) not only during masturb­a­tion but also during sex with a partner.

“Many times sexual fantasies are used to induce or enhance sexual arousal, and while fantasies are often combined with masturb­a­tion to provide a source of turn-on when a partner is not avail­able,fantasies are also extremely common during sexual activity with someone else. For instance, one study of 212 married women found that sex fantasies help many women achieve sexual arousaland/or orgasm during sexual inter­course.” (p416 Human Sexu­ality (fifth edition) 1995)

Some women’s sexual fantasies do not transfer to sex

Some women find that they are not able to use their sexual fantasies effect­ively during sex with a partner. It has been suggested that this is partic­u­larly true for complex and surreal fantasies (as they often are). The pres­ence of another person inter­feres with the mental focus needed to generate suffi­cient arousal for orgasm.

Women also have to work harder than men to generate orgasm from a much lower base level of sexual arousal. Our sexual thoughts do not rise as readily from the subcon­scious to the conscious mind as men’s do. So we have to be more inventive about our sexual fantasies and their surreal nature can make them more diffi­cult to relate to a sex life with a real life partner.

Equally the imagery of phys­ical sex play does not assist with female arousal. To generate suffi­cient arousal to reach the heights of orgasm from fantasy alone, my brain really has to focus. Even a drip­ping tap or someone else’s pres­ence is enough to destroy my mental absorp­tion in a sexual fantasy. So there is no ques­tion of being able to fantasise effect­ively during sex.

“Roxanne, a forty-seven-year-old psychi­at­rist, explains also that ‘women prob­ably fantasize more and harder than men, because the tradi­tional idea of feminine beha­viour is a burden to a woman during sex. …

Fantasy restores the balance. Add to that that women spend more time thinking up stories anyway, and read more fiction than men, and you’ve got a wild world in there … lewd extra­vag­ances that I’ll bet most men never come even close to imagining.’

By focusing on some aspect of sex that she finds partic­u­larly arousing, and by exag­ger­ating it to the point of outrageous­ness, a woman increases her chances of climaxing.” (p179 Satis­fac­tion Guar­an­teed 1996)

By Jane Thomas founder of the female sexuality forum Ways Women Orgasm.

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Women’s sexual arousal relies on sexual fantasies
Real female orgasms are about a release of sexual emotions not loving feelings. Men use images of naked women to generate sexual arousal but women have to use sexual fantasies to reach orgasm. Ways Women Orgasm is a forum for female sexuality and provides an open discussion of women's orgasm techniques including clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.
Jane Thomas is based in London, England, United Kingdom, and is an Anchor on Allvoices.
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