Not every woman enjoys eroticism
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Not every woman enjoys eroticism

Windsor Eton : United Kingdom | Jan 23, 2012 at 10:36 AM PST
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Most girls prob­ably read romantic stories but not everyone is comfort­able with the more expli­citly sexual nature of erotic stories, which help a woman develop the sexual fantasiesthat lead to orgasm. Our sexual fantasiesrepresent the aspects of sex that we find most arousing and hence most taboo.

“Although every child learns that pretending is an important type of play, sexual fantasies after child­hood are usually not thought of as playful. This atti­tude may exist because sex is usually regarded as a serious matter, even in the imagination.

Further­more, some reli­gious tradi­tions regard a thought as equi­valent to an act; thus, a person who has ‘immoral’ sexual daydreams or desires is as sinful as a person who acts on those impulses.” (p413 Human Sexu­ality (fifth edition) 1995)

Even men learn to orgasm through masturb­a­tion and women have to learn how to orgasm much the same way. Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm are not auto­matic as a man’s tends to be and so female masturb­a­tion is relat­ively uncommon.

Very few of the women I spoke to said that they enjoy their own sexual arousal through masturb­a­tion. If you doubt this, just try asking the women you know, not whether they have EVER masturb­ated but, whether they masturbate REGULARLY as an adult.

Since many women never discover orgasm through genital stim­u­la­tion they never know what they are missing. They assume that enjoying sexual pleasure relates only to the sensual pleas­ures of sex. Having enjoyed orgasm throughout my adult life, it is defin­itely an exper­i­ence I would not want to have missed but I can quite see why many women are happy to do without.

Women have more conscious choice over their sexual arousal

A good-looking and successful guy in his mid-forties was very popular with the ladies. Despite hoping for a long-term partner, so far he had only managed serial rela­tion­ships (some lasting months and some years). He told me that not one of the women he had been with over the years was amen­able to enjoying erot­i­cism by watching porn movies together.

Since many women do not enjoy erot­i­cism of any kind, even if they knew that sexual arousaldepended on erotic thoughts they would not neces­sarily be tempted. Women’s lower sex drive means they have much more conscious choice over their arousal.

“ … fantasy and sexual desire often merge together. People with low levels of sexual desire typic­ally have few sexual fantasies…” (p415 Human Sexu­ality (fifth edition) 1995)

Censor­ship of genitalia means that films for general release limit sex scenes to inter­course. Other activ­ities, such as oral sex or masturb­a­tion, involve the explicit genital stim­u­la­tion that tends to offend women. So that even in a film as sexu­ally daring as ‘Basic Instinct’ (1992) Sharon Stone appears to orgasm without the kind of continuous genital stim­u­la­tion that men need.

The only media that show hetero­sexuals enjoying more expli­citly sexual activity is porno­graphy. One has to wonder (since the sex industry is paid for by men) whether such activ­ities are, in fact, reflecting sex play and fantasies that men enjoy.

How many women enjoy oral sex, masturb­a­tion and other genit­ally based sex play? If most do, why is hetero sex still defined by inter­course? In the film ‘Phil­adelphia’ (1993) Denzel Wash­ington portrays the self-righteousness hetero­sexual who feels that ‘love-making’ is more morally justi­fi­able than the explicit sexual pleas­uring enjoyed by gays and men who pay for sex.

By Jane Thomas founder of the female sexuality forum Ways Women Orgasm.

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Not every woman enjoys eroticism
Women need to consciously decide to explore eroticism and their sexual fantasies if they are to learn how to orgasm. Without any experience of their own sexual arousal, women often have difficulty understanding eroticism. Ways Women Orgasm is a forum for female sexuality and provides an open discussion of women's orgasm techniques including clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies.
Jane Thomas is based in London, England, United Kingdom, and is an Anchor on Allvoices.
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