Shere Hite pointed out in 1976 that intercourse does not provide the specific clitoral stimulation that women need to orgasm. So, it is very likely that any woman who claims easy orgasm during intercourse is mistaken.
Especially given so few women masturbate and so most do not know what orgasm is. Women’s talk of the relationship and loving emotions also indicates a misunderstanding about the nature of orgasm.
The light-hearted book ‘Bluff your way in sex’ (1987) lists women’s sexual anatomy as: breasts, vagina and internal organs. The clitoris is completely omitted. This reflects how little interest most women have in the clitoris.
So even though women are likely to find orgasm much easier through oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris, most women are shocked by the idea of masturbation and oral sex. Female sexual arousal is so obscure that many women never discover the joys of the clitoris.
Hite suggested that EITHER women masturbate themselves during sex OR they find a suitable position for intercourse to maximise the indirect clitoral stimulation. Yet few couples today appear to be aware that clitoral stimulation is required for female orgasm. Most couples still base their sex life around ‘making love’, that is vaginal intercourse.
If women orgasm as easily as men through oral or manual stimulation by a partner why would they EVER opt for intercourse, which provides insufficient clitoral stimulation for orgasm? Women settle for ‘love-making’ BECAUSE other activities with a partner do NOT lead to female orgasm. Intercourse facilitates male orgasm, which is a much easier goal than female orgasm.
Male nudity does not cause female sexual arousal
Understandably, it is difficult for a man to know what it’s like to be a woman. Men naturally hope that women respond sexually just as men do but experience of real women should help them realise that women’s sexuality is quite different. As long as we expect women to respond as men do then we will always conclude that women are dysfunctional.
The underlying assumption is that women approach sex from a similar standpoint to men – just short of an orgasm. But women are not full of testosterone (the sex hormone) and so they do not experience daily genital erections as men do. Sadly (for matching heterosexual partners’ sex drives) female sexuality involves women being much less highly sexed than men.
Personally I have never found that clitoral stimulation helps with sexual arousal during vaginal intercourse. This is because sexual arousal depends on what happens in the brain and does not arise purely from physical stimulation. Women do not approach sex with sufficient mental arousal for genital stimulation to be effective.
Men enjoy their fantasies and arousal through regular use of porn and masturbation. Women do not use images of naked men for orgasm during female masturbation (women use an intense mental focus on sexual fantasies). What psychological stimuli do women use to help them become aroused enough IN THEIR MINDS to reach orgasm during sex?
Women use fantasy because they have to raise their arousal levels from a much lower base level than men do at the start of any sexual activity (masturbation or sex). I am asking women whether they have been able to use fantasy during sex and, if not, what they use for sexual arousal with a partner.
Ways Women Orgasm has one key aim: to highlight just how few women are confident about discussing orgasm in any context and how even fewer are able to explain convincingly how they reach orgasm with a partner. The current state of mystery and ignorance evidently suits many people but others would benefit from a more reasoned account of female sexuality.
By Jane Thomas founder of the female sexuality forum Ways Women Orgasm.