BP's Master Demon Points Minion to Journalist

Can you imagine waiting almost 18 months to find out if you're going to be charged with a crime you knew you committed? You can bet BP was playing the waiting game with sweat on its brow and a constant replaying of the scenarios that led up to the nightmarish oil spill on April 20, 2010--hoping, pacing, wanting so badly not to get caught.

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Lets go to BP's theoretical dark dungeon, I mean office, and see what may have transpired....

Scene opens with Master demon sitting behind his desk with his finest "yes" demon, Minion. Minion regularly gets used and abused and forced to follow him around in an effort to keep his spirits up during the multitudes of lowly situations the lying, cheating, money-loving Master gets himself into.

Minion: (In a submissive tone) Uh, master, maybe it won't be so bad...

Master: (Jumps out of his chair -- slams hands down on desk) You idiot! You cockroach! Of course it's going to be bad... The question is, how can we divert this negative attention away from ourselves? How can we get the media to side with us so we won't get the raw end of the deal---so we won't get ALL the blame!!!

Minion: (Shaking)...Uh, uh, sir, uhem, uh permission to speak sir?

Master: (Pacing) WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!

Minion: ...Your highness, Master, uh, sir, uhem, I know a couple of journalists who call me in at night and ask me for wisdom sometimes...uhem, sir, uh, I could whisper to them to make sure and point a lot of the blame on Transocean....can I...can I....please, it'll be so much fun, sir, uh, they always listen to my evil whispers because they know my suggestions will help them make more money....and sir, they LOVE money.

Master: That's a fantastic idea! Uhem, I mean--shutup you little flea...I'll be the one who comes up with all the good ideas...just...okay, I got it, poop breath--you go to the Times and find the hottest journalist there--remind him he will make more money if he breaks new information....keep planting the love of money into his brain and remind him of the upcoming raise he could get if he gets news before all the others.

Then put our puppet writer in a dreamy trance and say, "Transocean should get the blame--money--Transocean is also responsible--money." Remind him, he'll be the first and all the others will copy him...Then he'll get fame too for breaking the new information...NOW move it! Get out of here, you piece of rat excrement!

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So, you can imagine BP was probably sweating it out for months waiting and wondering. Then hump day came, which is usually a day of hope for the average employee, a reminder that Friday's just around the corner. But this Wednesday may have had the opposite effect on BP when the investigation results were released--until they read the whole report...

BP executives must've been flush with the feeling of heat stroke as a federal report on the explosion aboard the Deepwater Horizon rig released damning information charging them with negligence which included rushing to meet a deadline, inept safety practices and a faulty cement seal, according to USA Today.

Billions of dollars to clean up the mess and economic losses were cited in the report on the spill, which caused needless losses of life and a nearly incalculable amount of ecological damage and cleanup needed in the Gulf.

Having 11 crew members killed during the chaos only mounted the possibility of irresponsible business and safety practices which needed an in-depth investigation that would not bring immediate results to the public.

But, light at the end of the tunnel came for BP when the report pointed to other companies and Transocean, owner of Deepwater Horizon, as sharing in safe procedure responsibilities. Transocean, though, was cited as neglecting to meet them, thereby participating in the blame for unsafe work conditions that caused the deaths of 11 personnel onboard the rig.

The report surfaced after 18 months of careful examination of the scenario and conditions by both the Coast Guard and the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement.

Who knows how much power the media has...what part officials read and listen to...if seeds are planted in the heads of investigators when certain types of news stories reveal another angle...who knows...

I remember when the news broke that BP was trying to focus the attention towards Transocean and other companies...I remember, because I wrote about it.

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