Jokes Post:Come Get Your Daily Dose
November 29, 2010]----Want to break up the monotony, drudgery or stress of your day? Well, swing by this post to get your fill. Of belly aching laughter that is. Will try to update the jokes ofter, so come back for some of what they say is the best medicine! Laughter.
Read, enjoy and laugh out loud, just make sure the boss is not around and if you're in charge, then let it rip!
Lil Johnny walks in on his mother bouncing on top of daddy and asked mommy, what was she doing to daddy? She said: "I was tring to make daddy's tummy flat again." Johnny said: "It's not going to do any good." "Why?", she asked. Johnny replied :" 'Cause when you go to work the babysitter is going to blow it back up."
Ma and Pa farmer were sitting out on the stoop. Pa farmer reached over to Ma, grabbed her chest and said, "You know, Ma, if I could get milk out of them things, I surely wouldn't need all those cows over there." A short while later, Pa grabbed Ma's crotch and said, "You know, Ma, if I could get eggs out of this thing, I wouldn't need all those chickens over there." Ma looked at Pa, grabbed his pecker and said, "You know, Pa, if I could get a hard-on out of this thing, I wouldn't need the neighbor."
A stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
- 'What would you like to talk about?'
- 'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
- OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
- 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies,
- 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him around the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied: "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it , that I found in your pants pocket." The man then said' "When i was at the races last week JENNY was the name of the horse i bet on.' "The wife apologised and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious, upon re-gaining consiousness the man asked why she had hit again. "Your horse phoned."
A little girl asked her mother: "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."The confused girl returned to her mother and said: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered: "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
This lady comes home from a routine check up and tells her husband: "The doctor says that I have the body of a twenty year old" The husband says: "Well, did he say anything about that FAT ASS of yours?" She says: "No, your name didn't come up at all.."
A man walks into a bar and sits down at one end. He looks around and sees a man at the other end. He is one of the ugliest men he has ever seen but every woman in the bar was there talking to him and hanging all over him.So the man askes the bartender what the heck was going on. The bartender says: "I'm not sure, but that guy comes in here every night, sits down at that end of the bar and starts licking his eyebrows."