Obamacare death panels target Palin in wake of high court ruling (Clearly Labeled Satire)
CLEARLY LABELED SATIRE
June 28, 2012
With Obamacare now firmly established as the law of the land in the United States, Sarah Palin may not be long for this world. The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee and former half-term governor of Alaska was taken into custody Thursday morning in Dallas by uniformed officers of the newly created Obamacare Death Panel Agency (ODPA) less than an hour after the U.S. Supreme Court decision upholding Obamacare was announced.
As Palin has repeatedly pointed out since the legislation was first proposed in 2009, Obamacare contains language which creates the ODPA and empowers it to “round up” people who don’t agree with Obama’s politics and policies. Overlooked or categorized as irrelevant by the mainstream media, Section 666-13M of Obamacare reads: “After the Supreme Court rejects legal challenges to Obamacare, the Obama administration will begin rounding up critics of the law and bringing them before Death Panels to determine if they are fit to live or die.”
Palin was stone-faced and silent as 12 ODPA agents – wearing smartly polished black jackboots and skin-tight black facial masks sporting the ODPA’s feisty coiled cobra logo – detained her outside a hotel near Dealey Plaza. With their snazzy badges and neatly creased black uniforms, the ODPA agents performed their first high-profile task not only with great efficiency but also, according to a fashion reporter writing for the website deathpaneluniformsarecool.com, “… with a sense of duty befitting the loyalty all Americans should have for Comrade President Obama. Black is not just ‘back’ this year, it’s back with a vengeance and backed by the full force of the law.”
Palin did not appear to be impressed by the sleek uniforms, however. She stood stiff and emotionless but did not resist being handcuffed, shackled and led to a windowless ODPA paddy wagon waiting nearby. Sources within the ODPA, however, have informed The Punditty Project that she began asking for mercy during the ride to an undisclosed location.
“She was all like, ‘I didn’t mean it,’ and ‘Obama’s really pretty good,’ and that kind of crap. She ain’t foolin’ no one. The ODPA has files on her that go back to her days with Glen Rice, or should I say her night with Glen Rice.”
“Palin is a problem,” said another Obama loyalist who formerly worked for ACORN but now works for the ODPA. “Scratch that,” the anonymous Obamite added with an evil laugh. “Palin was a problem.”
Palin’s chances of escaping with her life are slim. Although Obamacare shields the identity of Death Panel members, language in the law stipulates that it must be comprised only of socialists, communists, atheists, Unitarians, Wiccans and Democrats, all of whom must have a record of donating to Planned Parenthood.
Analysts expect Obama to make an example out of Palin and refrain from showing mercy on his foe, who recently criticized Obamacare’s “faceless bureaucrats” as having life-and-death powers. Unless Palin relents and publicly admits that Obamacare is good and hails Obama as a great leader, she will likely be given a lethal injection and buried in the National Obamacare Death Panel Cemetery, now under construction in Washington.
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